CNN Takes Notice Of "Hollywhite" Washing (FINALLY)

Wow. I never thought I'd see this on the homepage of CNN but it looks like somebody at the major news network is finally taking notice of "Hollywhite" washing of ethnic-based roles. Maybe next week they'll shed some light on Apple's incessant use of white male/Asian female pairings in their ads! The author dissects a slew of movies released recently where actors of color are unfairly neglected of playing the leading roles while being snagged up by white actors.

Andrew Wallenstein of The Hollywood Reporter appears to empathize with minority actors,

I think this stems from a long-held frustration regarding the access of minority actors to leading roles. It's bad enough that they are far less likely to be cast in those roles in general, and it's downright galling to them that in roles in which they are perceived as having a natural advantage they are still getting beaten out.

Its not just downright galling to minority actors, but also a slap in the face to every non-white American citizen who's lived here since birth. As a child, watching Bruce Lee on screen was an inspiration for many Asian-Americans. It put a spin on the way I viewed Asian men. Like Margaret Cho once said, "You don't have to study to be a doctor when you can be one on TV."

To be fair, I began questioning the diversity of minorities in Asian entertainment. The argument goes something like, "Well you don't see whites starring as the lead in Asian films." This may be true on the surface but try living there before you make such a hasty generalization. I guarantee you will see in an Asian country such as Japan bending over backwards in order to cater to white people. In fact, I've seen white and black guys in Japanese dramas starring in lead roles, on Japanese talkshows, gameshows and Japanese advertisements. Plus, we all know Japanese women are notorious for having a penchant for white American men. Seems pretty fair to me.

An Asian-American guy with the handle "Shad0wrunner" has been doing an awesome job refuting every negative comment against CNN's inquiry of Hollywhite's racism toward minorities. My favorite comment of his, "the business-world of Hollywood will eat itself." I couldn't agree more.

IR Marriage Rates On The Decline

Miriam Jordan of the Wall Street Journal published an intriguing article which I found quite offensive and insulting. According to recent data trends, the number interracial marriages with whites has declined or stagnated over the past two decades. Some of you will celebrate this phenomenon, others could care less.

Now here's what I find insulting,

For years, that was also the path followed by successive generations of immigrants and children of immigrants in the U.S., including Hispanics and Asians. But new data indicate that the age-old notion of assimilation in America is slowing.

The overall number of interethnic and interracial marriages continues to grow, as taboos against it have faded significantly. An estimated 8% of all couples in the U.S. belonged to distinct ethnic groups in 2008—with more than 10% in California and Texas—a sharp increase from the 3% overall rate in 1980.

But new research concludes that intermarriage rates between Hispanics and non-hispanic whites and between Asians and whites have declined or stagnated over the past two decades, due in part to a surge in immigration that has expanded the pool of people of marrying age in those groups. Scholars call the phenomenon a "retreat from intermarriage."

Jordan is insinuating that one has to marry a white American male in order to integrate into American society. C'mon...seriously?

This is exactly why people like this are making it harder for American born Asians like me to assimilate. I grew up in a very white community, yet was frequently made fun of for being Asian. It sucks being an outcast when you're just a kid and want to fit in with everyone else. Now here I am two decades later and it seems like 1980 all over again.

And the MTV Movie Badass Star goes to...Rain!!

Much props to Rain for winning MTV's Badass Star award beating out a slew of solid contenders: Sam Worthington, Angelina Jolie, Chris Pine and Channing Tatum. You worked your fucking ass off to get to where you are today. You are a true soldier and an inspiration to many of us.



Keep reppin' hard my brother.

The Best Commercial of 2010

Just watch it and you'll see why.

K-Town Cowboys - I'm Diggin' It!

I first heard about K-Town Cowboys from one of my brother sites Alpha-Asian and now I'm diggin' it! Sorry James, I've been agonizing waiting for the next one! I was a bit skeptical of it at first but its been pretty entertaining and fairly accurate.

What I like about K-Town Cowboys more than anything is how it depicts Asian-Americans, specifically Korean-Americans. We're normal, fun, easy-going and enjoy Gaming just as much as the next American guy. The two words I want to underscore here is normal and American. No, not the kind of shit Hollywhite incessantly shoves down our throats, but what you're more likely to find here in America.

Of course, its not going to be 100% spot on because its fiction, but the producers do a superb job of incorporating many of the real K-Town elements in the show. Some of them I actually cringe over which explains why I wasn't too fond of the whole K-Town culture growing up. Nevertheless, I can still relate. Hopefully someday you will too.

Funny Craigslist: Dummy’s Guide to Asian Girls with White Fever

Last week I blogged about an unfortunate, yet amusing post about some Asian girl who got her bum-hole blitzed during some casual encounter. Up until now I've either heard or read about a vast number of Asian-American women complaining about how they're sick of meeting guys with "Yellow Fever" and treating them like an "Asian [fill in the blank]". Is it just me or does this sound like a self-fulfilling prophecy?

If you're an AA female and the only guys that you happen to date are white, then it shouldn't be all that surprising that you encounter countless guys with Asian fetishes. It's going to happen.

This is where I think a significant percentage of Asian women who act like they're disgusted when they meet guys with "Yellow Fever" have it all wrong. As much as some non-Asian (white) guys have this  fetish for Asian women, the same can be said for vice versa. Its all explained in this post I found on Craigslist shown below.

Dummy’s Guide to Asian Girls with White Fever

The WHIGGIE (White Guy Groupie)
A brief profile of Asian girls afflicted with “White Fever”
ORIGINS: A subset of women of Asian ethnicity, usually found residing in major U.S. cities, although they have been known to appear overseas occasionally. Closely related to their cousins, Yellow Cabs (Japan), Gwei-Po’s (Hong Kong), Sarong Party girls (Singapore), Twinkies and Bananas.

NOT TO BE CONUSED WITH: Intelligent, emotionally-secure women who are free of identity problems, self-hate, racial prejudice and chips on their shoulders.

CHARACTER TRAITS
- Poorly developed self-identity. Pathetically insecure with themselves and their ethnicity.
- Resentment of father’s traditional, authoritarian upbringing (whether real or perceived).
- Brainwashed into believing that they, as AF’s, are more desirable than other women in exotic lotus blossom kinda way. Willingness to pander to western media sexual stereotypes of AF’s, which they perceive as marketing advantage.
- Thoroughly whitewashed. Desperate need to fit into “mainstream” (i.e. white) society and to distance themselves from their Asian heritage. Racial inferiority complex.
- Feigned air of superiority when dealing with members of own race and any other minority groups. In need of major attitude adjustments.
- Exaggerated, whiny, Encino-esque valley girl accent.
- Delusions of grandeur… “I want it all…and that begins with the right (i.e. white) guy…” Asian-American princess complex.
- Uncanny ability of determine one’s nationality, occupation, earning capacity and make of auto within three minutes of commencing a conversation.
- Exaggerated perception of white males’ value in increasing AF’s social status.
- Ignorant and narrow-minded, eager to adopt and perpetuate fallacious western media stereotypes of Asian men.
- A compulsion to trash Asians, particularly Asian men, in order to justify their autoracist tendencies, placate their guilt and bolster their self-esteem.
- Extremely shallow, self-centered, argumentative and boring.
- Disdains ethnic studies; regards it as a major threat to her carefully constructed, self-deceptive whiggie identity.
- Despises all Asian men, with the occasional exception of their brothers (after all, they share the same genes.
- Believes that racism does not exist because she, as an AF, has never experienced it first hand, or is too dense to realize it. Besides, those Asiaphiles are so nice to her (while plotting to get into her pants.
- Gets a warm fuzzy feeling when watching The Joy Luck Club, while snuggled up to her geeky Asiaphile boyfriend.
- Believes that the only reason an Asian person would disrespect her is because they are racist.
- Has lost count of how many WM’s she’s done this month.
- The wet-dream come true for socially-handicapped Caucasian nerds who are unable to attract Caucasian women.
- Threatened and insecure in the presence of any culturally-perceptive Asian person or any AM not fitting her stereotype of the quiet , marginalized, “model minority” geek.
- Fundamentally insecure, utterly confused, lacking in self respect.
- Many aging whiggies, after being used and abandoned by WM’s in favor of younger, more nubile whiggies and being rejected by AM’s who see through their transparency, develop a bitterness towards all men, period.
- Denial of all of the above.
FACIAL EXPRESSIONS: a) Look of contempt when eyes meet those of any non-white male, converting to beaming grin upon sighting of WM victim/target; b) terminal pout or c) bimboish expression that defies deep thought.
TYPICAL ATTIRE: Anything trendy, mainstream-looking and seductive (especially if it’s black and tight). Big hair (perhaps their most valuable asset) tossed with hand every 15 seconds. Wonderbra. Fanatical whiggies have been known to undergo certain procedures such as eyelid surgery, breast augmentation and vaginal tightening operations in order to increase their marketability to WM’s. Blue contact lenses and bleached blonde hair have even been sported on occasion. Note: Attire may vary depending on the specific type of WM being targeted.
I.Q: Too low to measure.
NATURAL HABITAT:
Personal ad columns (“exotic, slim, SAF seeks successful, generous SWM”), cheerleading squads, sorority houses (role: token “oriental sisters”), T.V. newsdesks, B-grade Kung-Fu flicks, trendy nightclubs (usually found necking with aging WM’s), Chinese restaurants (slumming with the WM and demonstrating that she’s “in touch with her heritage”), anywhere else frequented by White males.
TYPICAL WHIGGIE QUIPS:
Age 10: “Mom, why do we have to be (Chinese/Japanese/Korean)? Do you have to dress like that? And what’s with Dad and his accent?
Age 12: “Mom, I want an eyelid job for Christmas, okay?
Later on…
“I’ve always only dated white guys. I don’t know why, I just have.”
“Race doesn’t matter. I just happen to like white guys. It’s just a preference.”
“We are the world, we are the children…We…”
“I’ve gone out with all kinds of guys…Dutch, English, French, German, you name it. Even went out with a Jewish guy once! After all, love is color blind.”
“Eeeew, Jennifer, how could you go out with that (insert minority group here) guy!?” Totally gross!
“Oooh Roger, you’re like soooo strong and intelligent. Did you say you drive a beemer? Kewl! (giggle).”
“I want to learn English better…you maybe teach, handsome man? Are you U.S. citizen?” (Yes FOB’s can be whiggies too!)
“Like why would I want to go out with an Asian guy? They don’t own me or anything. Uhh, and besides they are all male chauvinist …and domineering too…yeah that’s it! Didn’t you see The Joy Luck Club?”
Like, I’m dating *out* of my race, so how can I be racists?!! Duh!!
CLOSELY RELATED TO: Racists, bigots, wannabes, ho’s, chameleons, white supremacists, a fish out of water.
MEDIA REPRESENTATION/ROLE MODELS: Connie Chung, Amy Tan, Lisa Ling, Margaret Cho, Sheryl Wu Dunn, any of The Joy Luck Club protagonists (except the one who married an Asian dude).
NATURAL COUNTERPARTS: Asiaphiles…who else?

I didn't write it but I agree with about 90% of it. He should've added Esther Ku and Michelle Malkin to this list of "MEDIA REPRESENTATION/ROLE MODELS".

Boycotting "The Last Airbender"

Go Racebending.com! Let's smash this illegitimate representation of Asians in Hollywood. I already signed the petition in boycotting this movie last year due to Hollywhite's recent advertising blitz around The Last Airbender, and I figured I would let all of my readers know exactly how I feel about the casting for this movie.

It is a slap in the face to every Asian-American. We are still the outsider who cannot play a leading role in 2010. It is a slap in the face to the fans of Nickelodeon's animated Avatar: The Last Airbender series who expected the movie to stay true to its creators. Most importantly, it is a slap in the face to every white American who is not racist, but must now be associated with this group by convention of ethnicity.

The perpetual portrayal of Asian males as villains, nerds, FOBs or extras is just another instrument the "powers that be" used to paint us as trivial members of society. We are Ralph Ellison's "Invisible Man". In fact, when I see a cast for a movie as blockbuster as this one its as if Hollywhite is saying,

C'mon...You know how it is...We just can't have Asian-Americans, especially Asian men, shown in a sexy, charismatic or positive light. Its one of the few ways we can continue brainwashing women of color that we are the best. By the way, I'm dating some hot Asian chick I met through extra casting.

Doesn't Paramount remember how well Dragonball-Z did?  I wonder if the execs at Paramount know its now 2010.

Grace Park is awesome

Grace Park is beautiful. I don't say that too often since I don't find Asian women all that beautiful. Cute and pretty yes, but beautiful is a little bit tougher to come by. Don't ask me what the difference is because that's another discussion altogether it itself. So the first time I saw her was on a Canadian TV teen show called Edgemont and it was love at first sight. Okay, maybe not LOVE but I guess you could say I was a bit infatuated with her. She had a refreshing look with a demeanor of the all-Canadian-Asian girl which is quite different from the US. If you go to Canada, you'll know what I'm talking about.


NOTE: I love Canadian TV shows because they're much more ethnically diverse as opposed to the US. Everyone should watch Edgemont if you get the chance. If Canadian hotties such as Grace Park, Kristin Kreuk, Sarah Lind, etc. aren't good enough reasons for you to watch it, then I can't help you.

I think the role that took her career to the next level was starring as Number 8 and Boomer in the hit TV series, Battlestar Galactica. My friend was a huge fan of that show. I was never into SciFi all that much besides Star Wars but given the rave reviews from critics and viewers alike, I should probably watch it sometime when I get the chance.

Then just today I read online that she's going to be playing in a remake of the 1960s TV series Hawaii Five-0. I wasn't even born when the show came on but I do know it was famous, because everyone uses that term "5.0" when referring to cops. In addition, its notable theme song.

Congratulations on your new starring role in Hawaii Five-0!! Much love and success to ya.

P.S. Gain about 10 lbs. for me my Grace. As beautiful as you are, yes, a few lbs here and there wouldn't hurt. 

Ouch!! That must've hurt.

I came across an interesting rant on Craigslist and thought I'd share it with you. It hurts reading this. No pun intended. Word of advice to the Asian ladies who meet guys with yellow fever. You might want to clench your butt cheeks extra hard just in case you encounter a fetishizing, Asian female ass-fucker. Ouch!

To the guy who fucked me last night, FUCK YOU.

Look, I understand you have a thing for asian girls. When it comes down to it, I suppose I have a thing for white guys, even ones as old as you. And there I was last night with two of my Korean friends, and yeah, they did look hot, and yeah, I thought so too, so it didn't really bother me that you kept referring to us as the hottie asian chicks; that's why we're freakin on each other. Besides, I've gone down on white chicks and even though I was only doing it because I thought he'd like it, I'd much rather go down on either of them so I suppose I have a thing for asian girls too.

I can even deal with the asian themed porn back at your apartment. I used to please my ex-boyfriend and he'd watch asian porn. I can even handle butt sex. There are times when I've almost enjoyed it, but really I'm just tolerating it, because I like pleasing a cock.

But please, don't just cram your fucking dick into my ass without any lube or prep. There's a reason that porn whore can do it. Because she's a fucking PORN WHORE who takes money in exchange for never being able to shit again. That reminds me, when you're fucking a girl in the ass, but didn't give her any money, she's a SLUT, not a WHORE. You called me and "asian whore" like fifty times before you came, and as uncomfortable as that butt sex was, I was thinking "And I'm fucking ESL." And the way you came, pulling my hair and slapping my face with your dick: not fun for me. Remember, you did NOT prep my ass, so your dick was covered with shit. There is no way I was going to suck it no matter how hard you pulled my hair.

Pretty much the only good thing about that sex was that it was at your apartment, so I could call a cab and leave without calling the police and being forced to file a rape charge that would ruin my family just to get you out the door.

When that is the standard, you're a pretty lame fuck and that's probably the reason you don't have a girlfriend. You're a lame fuck who's been lost to a fantasy world and now confuses having fun with watching a porn whore. You're a lame fuck who raped me when, under the right circumstances, I would have gotten an enema, lubed up, and let you sodomize me. I know my friends told you that I'm on the rebound and I wanted to get laid. I wanted to get laid all weekend, and you seemed pretty nice, handsome, and your apartment didn't scare the shit out of me, so you would do, and if not, well there's Saturday night, also. You just fucked it up for all the cool guys who could have gotten a freaky weekend of NSA pussy, because now my asshole hurts and I fucking HATE MEN!

Cunt Punters vs Cock Blockers

I never thought another female would serve as an even bigger obstacle than another guy when trying to game a girl with a group of her female friends in a night time venue.

A couple weekends ago I was out with one of my buddies hitting up a bunch of different bars and clubs in the city. He's been single for a while now trying to get back in the game so I figured I'd be his wing for the evening. I played defense for him several times which gave him the opportunity to isolate his target and get a phone number at the very least. However, it made me realize how difficult it is to be successful if you don't have the support of your friends when there's an additional female player in the mix. This isn't to say you cannot be successful gaming in solitude such as Asian Playboy and Mystery have proven time and time again, but having someone there to play "D" is pretty valuable when you have Cock Blockers and Cunt Punters hindering your chances. 

And now, I don't know what's worse.  I feel like women who've punted me or my friends are more challenging to deal with because I have to gain their trust.  Its tough enough as it is to gain the trust of one female, but her friends too?  Yikes! Most guys are pretty cool with opening up and socializing with you, but women find every guy threatening. Its really weird. Is there a jealousy factor involved? I don't know. 

So my friend tried hitting on one of these girls that night. She gave him the cold shoulder. Well just like Aaliyah said, "If first you don't succeed, dust yourself on try again." Sure enough, he did on the dance floor and she reciprocated. Meanwhile watching from a distance, some crazy girl came up to me and kept insisting that I "break her off". You know. . . those crazy girls that want to dance with you to every song like it's playing 120 BPMs.

That's when I saw the Punt. Her friend jumped in after one minute and immediately pulled her back. Damn it! I got distracted with this crazy and let him lose one of the best looking girls in the joint. By the time I told her "Thanks but I have to go check up on my friend", both of the other girls left. Sad thing is, I believe this happens all too often.

Let me rewind back to early 2007. I'm at this yuppy restaurant /lounge/club down in Santana Row in San Jose by myself (yes, while on business trips I used to roll solo to a lot of night time venues to work on my game). After coming out of the restroom, I headed on over to the bar when I made eye contact with this pretty hot Asian girl.  She stopped me, placed her hand on my wrist and asked if I were Vietnamese. Random, I know. I replied, "No. Would you like me to be?" and smiled. Her other Asian girlfriend pulled her away like I was some disgusting freak of nature. So here I am, standing alone wondering why in the world her friend pulled her away when she is obviously interested (or super inebriated). I took a step back and went up to the bar to buy a drink only to find the two of them on the dance floor a couple minutes later. "Fuck this. I'm going to dance with this girl. I know she's into me", I hear my internal voice whispering.

Standing with a military posture, I sauntered over to the floor making solid eye contact with her and followed up with a sly grin. She responded and we were off. After the 3rd song I decided to go in a little closer and our bodies started touching. I asked her what this strap was doing around her waist while snapping it. It was obviously her throng strap. She laughed and pushed her ass against me harder. 

Suddenly her Cunt Punting friend came in and yanked her away from me once again to go dance with these two white guys. I don't want to say it was because I wasn't white. Who knows? Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. 

What confuses me is why women do this to begin with. Do women really believe that the majority of men in bars and clubs are creepy? I would never automatically dismiss a female as being a hoe just because she goes clubbing. Maybe I'm just a creepy looking guy. Whatever the reason may be, I learned one important lesson that I was reminded of a few weekends back.

1. Win the trust of her friends ASAP
2. Have a wingman to play defense

Or prepare yourself to get blown out. Women are bigger punters than men are blockers.

UPDATE: Jay Park on StirFryTV

Ever since I read about Jay Park creating a buzz in the states, I went searching for the interview he did with StirFryTV.com but had no luck.  Then several days later after checking YouTube again lo and behold, his interview with StirFryTV ended up on my YouTube homepage.  Perfect timing. Check it out!

Jaebeom (Jay) Park To Work With Teddy Riley For His U.S. Debut Album

Holy shit!  NEWSFLASH for all of you readers out there.  This is big news because it encompasses so many positive elements.  We have an Asian-American MALE sex symbol and popstar icon who is breaking sound and racial barriers with this announcement.  He has already been gaining momentum by starring in a movie called Hype Nation scheduled to be filmed this year.

Former K-Pop 2PM member Jaebeom Park will be working with one of my favorite producers of all time!  For those of your who are too young to remember or even weren't born at the time, Teddy Riley is the founder of the late 80s-90s New Jack Swing and contemporary R&B sound.

YEP YEP!!

Teddy was also part of a R&B trio called Guy releasing many New Jack Swing and R&B classics such as "Groove Me", "My Fantasy", "Let's Chill", etc.  If you don't know about Teddy from his days with Guy then you definitely will know him as a BLACKStreet member producing hits such as "No Diggity" and exec. producer for Michael Jackson's, Dangerous album.

When it came to R&B producers, I always felt that Teddy Riley never got the kind of recognition and commendation from the mainstream as other artists-producers out there.  Hopefully, his collaboration with Jaebeom will reignite his flame as a producer and catapult both of their careers to a higher level popularity and notoriety.

I have a message for Jay Park.

Jay,


You are in good hands working with a musical genius like Teddy Riley. Hold it down and keep representin' for your Asian-American brethren. You have a solid fan base worldwide.  I'm 100% confident this project will be a success.


-Masir Jones

P.S.  I'm envious of you being able to work with Ted.

Hip Hop Legend Guru RIP

One of the pioneers of hip hop music has tragically passed away. I always thought Gang Starr was an underrated hip hop group that never received the kind of praise and accolades from the masses that they deserved. I guess because they never sold themselves just to have Mass Appeal.

Guru, may you rest in peace.

Yes, I am an Asian-American but not Chinese.

There's nothing worse than having some ignorant fool who tries to say something in an Asian language that you don't speak. Especially if he's a white guy.  Let me explain.

Yesterday some delivery guy from UPS came to drop something off at the office in D.C. and I ended up signing for it since the secretary was unavailable.  I gave him my last name which is not Chinese and he says to me, "Ahhh. Xie xie".  I was stunned like a deer caught in headlights because I hadn't heard someone say something so ignorant in such a long time.  After he left I was a little ticked off.  I started to wonder if he was being yet another racist white guy or was he just trying to be friendly.

The way he said it though sounded like he was trying to be funny, but its just sounded really tasteless and racist.  Is this how the rest of America outside of the westcoast and NYC still view Asians?  Would you be offended or give him the benefit of the doubt that he was making an earnest attempt to connect with you? Apparently, Dave Chappelle thinks Asians all look alike so I wouldn't be surprised if others do.



What do you think?

Asians in Washington D.C.

So just a brief update.

Sorry if I haven't been posting any new material lately. I recently moved out to the Bay Area in California and have been busy adjusting to life here and the new j-o-b. I have to head on out to D.C. for work and was wondering if anyone had any recommendations for any cool Asian hang out spots, towns, clubs, bars, etc.

I know this might sound weird, but I have always found it fascinating to meet Asians from other parts of the world outside of Asia. Especially here in the states, because I'm always wondering how much of their demeanor, personality and attitude is shaped by their daily environment versus their cultural background and upbringing.  For instance, if you meet Koreans from LA K-town versus Koreans out here in the Bay Area, you're bound to notice a distinction in their swagger. Or take a trip to Alhambra or Montery Park where its practically nothing BUT Chinese people versus a Chinese person out in North Dakota (are there Chinese people in North Dakota?).

The point I'm trying to make is that its just really cool to see someone Asian out in another part of the world and even though you don't know them, you feel like you have an instant connection with them.  Now Sarah Palin must know how we feel when her ass went to Hawaii.

So once again, if any of you readers out there have any recommendations, let me know!  I'll check it out, take some photos and post them up when I return!!

The Return of Vanishing Son

For those of you who were too young or never even heard about this series, you're in luck.  As I mentioned in my previous blogs, the televised movie series Vanishing Son is one of the few movies where an Asian-American man gets romantically involved with a white woman.  And not just any white woman.  This was the HOT Noxema chick of the early-mid 90s who he repeatedly makes passionate love to.

As my buddy DL mentioned, it was my brotha Russell who represented and held it down for the Asian-American men out there proving, yes, Asian-American men ARE sex symbols in the country they were born in, America.


I even did the dirty work for you so you can watch the part I'm referring to when I speak of "passionate love".

Keep it on the DL: Dating Non-Asian Girls - Part 5

My friend X, whom I mentioned earlier, is now doing very well with women.  In fact, not too long ago he was dating two girls and had to make the decision of which one he wanted to keep as his girlfriend and which he had to let go.  It's quite a change from his earlier days.  When we were in high school, he was so nervous with girls that he used to flush bright red, clench his fists, look straight down at the floor, and walk past silently whenever the girl he liked waved hello at him.  He had tried his mother's way, becoming rich and successful, but when that didn't bring him the beautiful women and happiness it had promised, he had to overcome his shyness and gain more experience talking to girls directly.  We got to talk and share our successes and failures with each other and discuss what we could do better.  I think that having him to talk to and seeing the kind of progress he made pushed me to assess my life and do more with myself as well.

For a long time, I'd always avoided examining my failures.  I hated seeing what I'd done wrong because it always brought back that lingering voice from my childhood telling me that I was worthless and stupid and nobody could ever want me, but seeing how X turned his love life around I now understand that examining what I've done wrong is much more important to a happy, successful life than celebrating and showing off what I've done right.  That's really the biggest lesson of all here.  

When you go out in the dating world or the professional world or even academic world, you're going to put forth your best efforts, but trying means failing most of the time.  As you fail, don't beat yourself up and don't place blame, figure out what you could have done to produce a better outcome.  When you get shot down, it's easy to say, "Whatever, she's a bitch" and keep trying the same things over and over, or tell yourself, "Oh man, I'm such a stupid loser!" and give up.  Unfortunately, it's not productive to do either of those things.  It's much harder, but ultimately much more helpful and rewarding to figure out what worked and what didn't, change your approach and your habits, and try again.

Remember also that there are times when there is nothing you can do.  If the circumstances are such that there was no way to get what you wanted, let it go and move on.  The circumstances will be different next time. As the old adage goes, "For every door that closes, another one opens."

--DL

Keep it on the DL: Dating Non-Asian Girls - Part 4

For those of you who have been keeping up with the Keep It On The DL mini-series, I believe the points DL mention below are quite sound and reasonable. Albeit they may be common sense to most of you readers out there, but the key point is to actually employ these tactics. Otherwise it becomes meaningless; yet another case of the theoretical and book smart Asian guy. I just started using some of these myself and it feels a lot more natural.

What is natural? I can't say I know what it is to the fullest but I do know what it's not. Its definitely NOT pretending to be a nice guy and putting up with an attitude just because she's hot if she happens to give you one. That's called being a chump.

First, don't try too hard to impress.  A lot of guys think that in order to get the girl, they need to be really entertaining and charming and show off all their nice clothes and fancy cars and highlight how great they are.  That is a big mistake.  Turn this situation around for a moment in your head.  If you met someone and he or she was trying really hard to show off to you, trying to prove how awesome s/he was, would you find it more attractive or annoying? 

Nobody likes a showoff and beautiful women have guys trying to show off at them constantly. Beautiful women, like the famous, wealthy, and politically connected, have people trying to get with them all the time by showing off all the great things about themselves and they can see through it. They know that you're only trying to impress them because of how they look or their fame or money or political power. However, if you give them the opportunity to impress you with their achievements and attractive aspects of their personality and show them that you value something other than their looks or what they can do for you, you'll win their respect and admiration.  

This may be especially difficult if you grew up in a household like mine because your instinct will tell you that you aren’t good enough and you have to try to prove your worth to her, but resist that urge!  Wealthy men don’t have to tell you they’re rich. Confident, attractive people don’t have to prove themselves to anyone.

Second, don't be punk - fakin' the funk - thinkin' that hard stuff while spittin' that extra junk.  What I mean is, if you really aren't impressed with a girl or she's inconsiderate or boring or annoying, don't act as if she's the most courteous, fascinating person in the world.  Be polite, but don't put up with it.  If you fake it, at best you might manipulate her into something with you that you'll both feel bad about later and at worst she'll see through it and peg you as a desperate sycophant.  Besides, calling people on their bullshit often makes them respect you more. 

Third, be assertive and decisive.  A lot of people with low self-confidence mask what they want and sabotage themselves.  They think that by anticipating failure, they can soften the blow to their self-esteem so they say things like, “Hey, I was wondering if you might want to go on a date with me but you probably don't so it's okay...” and they are either too eager to please or lazy so instead of coming to decisions on their own, they waffle and say, “I don't know, whatever you want.”  Realize that you are your own person with your own desires and voice them.  Make firm decisions, look people in the eye, stand up straight, and don't qualify, equivocate, or apologize for what you want. 

Fourth and most importantly, don't put too much pressure on yourself.  This actually applies to all areas of your life, whether it's dating or job interviews and is an extension of my three previous points.  If you say to yourself, “I can't fuck this up.  I can't lose it.  I'll never find another girl this hot/job that pays this well/deal this good again.  I'll do anything to make this work” you are sure to fuck it up.  There are always other girls, other jobs, other whatever.  If you put too much pressure on yourself to succeed with this particular one, you will find yourself trying too hard to impress, faking it, and compromising what you really want.  Real confidence means entering into a situation knowing that you can lose and having the serenity of mind to accept that potential outcome and learn from it even if it hurts.

A little bonus tip I have is not to be cloying or clingy.  Give her space.  Let her miss you.  It's always better for her to want more of you than to be around too much so that she wants less of you.

 To Be Continued...

Keep it on the DL: Dating Non-Asian Girls - Part 3

Four of my former lovers (3 White & 1 Black) specifically had a thing for Asians.  In case you don't believe that girls get the Yellow Fever too, let me refer you to the following examples,

And...

"What about Latinas?", you ask? Take a look at this couple.

And of course, Victor Kim from Quest Crew holdin' it down with Lizzy Richardson from the San Diego Chargers cheerleading squad!


EDITOR'S NOTE: These are not rare instances. They only seem to be rare to frustrated Asian-American men because mentally 1) we believe the shit imposed upon us by the media-entertainment complex. Everyone knows their depictions of Asian-Americans in general is a STRETCH from reality. 2) A handful of asshole white males (yes, there are some bad apples of the bunch like Hollywhite - John Mayer types) get some twisted enjoyment out of belittling other ethnicities, meanwhile bashing white women who date outside their race. 3) A number of Asian-American women often times play a harsher Game with Asian-American men as opposed to other ethnic males. In retrospect, I came to the startling realization that AA women have been less open to my approaches as opposed to other Latina, white and black women. DL shares with us similar experiences.

I think dating other races may actually be easier than dating East Asian girls because I’ve received snottier treatment and harsher blow-offs from East Asian girls than I’ve ever gotten from any girl of another race.

In part I have to thank the short-lived TV series Vanishing Son for the fact that I never had issues with dating outside my race.  Looking back, the show wasn't very good, but I was only 12 when it was on, so it didn't matter.  What did matter was that the main character of the show was a handsome, confident Chinese man who lay the lovin' down on all kinds of ladies.  He was like a Chinese Shaft and  that definitely made an impression on me.

Another part of the reason I have always dated girls of other races is that I always resisted my mother’s attempts to manipulate me.  I know it’s cliché to blame your mother for your issues, but I do believe that a lot of the problems that Asian American men have in their love lives come from our mothers’ derisive treatment and harmful conditioning.

Some times guys ask me how I date girls of other races which is a difficult question to answer because I honestly don't think it's any different than dating East Asian girls.  I think there are four key things to remember in any kind of dating scenario: 

1. Don't try too hard to impress
2. Don't fake it
3. Be assertive and decisive
4. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.  

You'll notice that there are a lot more don't's than there are do's, and that's because guys screw up potentially good situations by doing too much more often than by doing too little.

More details next time...

Keep it on the DL: Dating Non-Asian Girls - Part 2

For some reason a couple of days ago my blog was down for an entire day so I couldn't post the 2nd part of my guest writer's piece.  Thankfully it was merely a glitch of some sort on Google's part (at least I hope it was). Anyway, continuing with DL's piece...I bring you Keep it on the DL: Dating Non-Asian Girls: Part II,

All of this is a roundabout preface to discussing my own experiences with dating, interracial dating in particular because I've never dated an East Asian girl and the majority of girls I've dated have been White.  As I mentioned before, I am Chinese, I'm not very tall (5'7”), and until very recently, I've never had much money.  Both my parents are janitors and I put myself through college working as a bus driver and a line cook.  However, none of those things was ever a real obstacle in my love life.  Yes, I know that height, race, money, and social status matter to some girls, but our own insecurities about those things often hold us back more than the girls' concerns about them. 

Once, after I had kissed a girl good night, she said, “Hey, are you shorter than me?”  I said, “Probably, I'm not that tall.  Is that a problem for you?”  She said, “No, is it for you?  Some guys freak out over stuff like that.  I dated a guy once who got really upset when he found out that I make more money than he does.”  Of course, I didn't care at all about our height and wealth disparities.  In fact, I like dating girls who are within two inches of my height in either direction. You don't have to adjust your car seat and mirrors when you drive each other's cars.  Also, it makes having sex while standing much easier! 

What this means is that you should try to put race out of your mind in the dating scene.  If you see a cute girl making eyes at you, don't doubt yourself because she's White or Black or some other race that you don't think could ever be into Asians, or taller than you or whatever, just go for it.  The worst thing she can do is turn you down and even in that situation, you end up with an amusing and embarrassing story to tell your friends. 

Most of the girls I've been with have told me that I'm the first Asian guy they have ever dated, not because they aren't into Asians but because Asian guys never approach them.  Race has only rarely come up at all.  A few years ago, I was on a road trip with one of my former girlfriends and when we stopped for gas, she asked me, “Do you feel like people are staring at us?  Why is everyone looking over here?”  I shrugged, “Maybe because we’re an interracial couple.”  She started laughing, “Oh my God!  We ARE!”  It mattered so little to her that we were of different races that the fact that other people noticed it caught her off guard.

To Be Continued...