Showing posts with label Interracial Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Interracial Relationships. Show all posts

Sunday, April 14, 2013

What's Up With Guys And Their Asian Fetishes?

This was too bad for me to pass up. And when I say "bad" I mean Michael Jackson Bad. You know, how he looked really bad toward the end of his life? Saw this by way of Angry Asian Man's blog and was in a bit of shock. These guys must be competing for the offensive douchbaggery award of the year.

For example, here's one that's doubly offensive to both Asian women and men. Racist much?


Look, I didn't think guys out there who fetishize over Asian women were this audaciously bigoted. I mean sure, I know there are guys out there who love Asian women just because they're Asian but never  could I even remotely conceive this is the kind of stuff they have to go through. Wow!

As my dad once told me, there's two sides with every coin. Being an Asian woman, and a beautiful one at that, its a gift and a curse. Sure, you're bound to receive attention, but also a ton of bad attention. I really don't know what's worse...being predisposed as an asexual beta or this? Not only do you have guys who just want to sleep with you, but now you have a swarm of envious, non-Asian females who despise you because your "Asianness" is stealing male marketshare. Damn.

Monday, December 31, 2012

Jeremy Lin - Asian American Male Of The Year

It's about that time again where we start anew, but before we do, I want to give an Asian American Male of the Year award to the one and only Jeremy Lin. What Lin accomplished this year alone is truly remarkable. To go from being an NBA player who nobody had really heard of outside of the Asian community before his breakout game against the Nets, to a megastar athlete in a span of a few months calls for a resounding applause.


Far too long have Asian American men had been desperately seeking an Asian male role model to look up to outside the relic of Bruce Lee, though an unadulterated actor, fighter, philosopher and legend by anyones standards, Lin on the other hand has graced the front pages of major newspapers, magazines, mainstream media and entertainment outlets. Most Asian American parents that I knew of growing up didn't encourage their children to go into professional sports. The main focus has always been studying, which isn't a always a bad thing, but Lin achieved more than that. As a Harvard graduate, Lin not only turned the conventional wisdom surrounding Asian American men on its head, that of course being strictly academic, un-athletic and feeble, but also made up for the lost time and painful setback by the American idol reject William Hung.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Non-English Speaking Chinese Guy Gets The White Girl

Happy Holidays to all of my readers out there!

AbsolutelyFobulous shared this video below featuring cross-cultural love between a Chinese guy, AJ, and his British-Spanish aka white girlfriend Natalie. I've been meaning to share this with all of you frustrated Asian guys out there looking for love (from white girls) in hopes to inspire you.


If AJ, who can barely speak any English, can manage to get with Natalie, a woman who has her own set of Mandarin and cultural obstacles to overcome, there's zero excuse for Asian American guys not being able to get attractive women regardless of their non-Asian background.

I have to give this guy major props because he actually did what a lot of Asian American guys don't do. He initiated. He approached, and I've seen more guys being aggressive with women over in Asian countries than I have here. Now that's inspiring.





Monday, June 4, 2012

There's More To It Than Scholastics

My heart goes out to this kid Jerry Liu. I've never even met the guy, but I know or have met a lot of guys like him. One of them in fact was me during my younger days.

I found this video a few weeks back and meant to share it with you earlier, but didn't know how to approach it without offending or ridiculing the guy. Take a look here if you're interested (he's restricted video embedding).

First off, I give Jerry props for putting himself out there in the public sphere like that on YouTube. It's not easy by any means. I'd also like to give props to his mother for being so supportive of her son. I've heard of other dismal stories about Chinese mothers raising their sons into becoming average frustrated chumps, but luckily his mom seems very supportive of him and does what a moms should do - listen.

I posted a comment on one of Jerry's videos asking him what the point of the whole "Would you ever date an Asian-American male?" section was about, but he removed my comment. My intention wasn't to impart ill will on Jerry, but rather help him see that the way he and many other Asian American guys carry themselves is only reinforcing the very negative stereotypes we all condemn. To be quite honest, I didn't see much of a difference between Jerry and the Asian male characters in the referenced films. Did you? Don't get me wrong. It's not a bad thing to be nerdy and intelligent. Frankly, I think it's awesome BUT...

...herein lies the problem...

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior at Producing AFCs

DL requested that I change the blog title to something more appropriate. Haha.

Guest Chinese-American Blogger DL returns to discuss and address the issue of Asian-Americans' propensity to be approval-seeking people-pleasers. I'm always delighted by DL's posts, because he offers a fresh perspective on being an Asian-American male treading against the current of family and cultural influences as well as societal pressures. If you haven't had a chance to read through the Keep it on the DL series, you definitely should. Here's part Two, Three, Four and Five.

When I was a teenager, my cousin Susan married a White man, Walter, who had gone to
Berkeley with my cousins and whom everyone acknowledged was just as smart as any of them,
but he took a “dead end” 9-5 job instead of the more ambitious six-figure corner office jobs that
my cousins pursued. Once, at a BBQ, they asked him what made the difference and he
shrugged, “I didn’t have Asian parents putting me down all the time, manipulating me into
seeking their approval with accomplishments.” This struck a chord with me at the time but I
forgot all about it until I read that Wall Street Journal article on Amy Chua’s “Tiger Mom” book.

The thing about Walter, though, is that he is much more content and confident than any
of my cousins. And therein lies an interesting paradox – berating your children so that they are
desperate for your approval may produce more productive, ambitious people, but not happier
ones, and certainly not confident ones, not leaders, and absolutely not ladies’ men.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

A Question to Asian-American Women & Why More Asian-American Guys Should Date Non-Asian Girls

This past weekend I hung out at night with the homies and had some fun in the city. I decided to do something different, and by different I mean my friends and I went to a bar that was filled primarily with white people which was a breadth of fresh air, similar to this clip here from The Mentalist.


There's something about my American side that conflicts with my Asian side; it is this clique-ish, tribal behavior Asians have where ever they go. I'm just as guilty as the next Asian, but it's not like I act like this 24/7. Look, I'm the type of guy who isn't afraid to roll into a club, bar or lounge solo and start chatting it up with random people. How many Asian guys, let alone guys of any ethnicity period, are comfortable enough with themselves to do just that? Very few besides my homie DL, but that's what social gatherings are all about...to have fun with friends and open up to meeting new people and remembering new faces.

So if there's one thing I find really annoying at times, it's how Asian-American girls at Asian parties are always in these cliques of 3-5 chicks and constantly in transition. Fellas, you know what I'm talking about right? You go up to a group of Asian girls to chat up one or two of them, and next thing you know they give you the same old, "Well...we're gonna go now", and then they bounce.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Asian-American Interracial Marriages Declining - The Next Episode

Earlier this month I blogged about the declining trend of Asian-American interracial marriages in the US. I wrote that blog up, because I began seeing a noticeable reduction in Asian-American women dating non-Asians since last year. What's funnier is that I wrote up a blog with a similar title almost 2 years ago and didn't even remember! Wow.

Now this is going to sound lame or arguably inaccurate, but two out of the many samples of classes I used as the barometer for Asian-American interracial dating trends is extrapolated from Craigslist and night clubs. Both forums are a reflection of popular culture in America. So when I used to scour Craigslist, I'd see tons of Asian female for white male classified ads. And then, when I'd go clubbing or hit up bars, I'd see or hear about the same kind of self-afflicting nonsense, "Ummm sorry. I only go for white guys." My response has always been the same. "I totally understand. I only go for pretty girls", and that usually leaves them with nothing to say.

So here I am surfing the web on a Friday afternoon and next thing I know, Rachel Swarns from the NY Times decides to copy me with her own article on behalf of this declining phenomenon. You motherfuckin' biters...Haha. Just kidding.


Honestly, I'm glad they put it out there because the NY Times is a lot more far-reaching than my Destroy & Rebuild blog ever will be. This is some really great stuff by Rachel. It reaffirms that 1) I'm not crazy in noticing this AA trend 2) there's factual proof that indeed AA women are waking up and seeing that dating a white guy, mainly because of his race, is futile and foundation-less when it comes to marriage. Moreover, I'm surprised that the NY Times didn't allude to this, but the declining trend in marrying out - once equivalent to marrying up - is longer necessary or may not be as glamourous as once believed.  

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Asian-American Interracial Marriages Declining

Here's some encouraging news for those Asian-American guys out there who feel like they're getting shafted by their Asian/Asian-American sisters. Joan Walsh of Salon writes a fascinating article regarding the changing economic landscape of white America**. So what does this have to do with declining Asian-American out-marriage rates? Keep reading.
Walsh asserts that outside the top 1% of America's wealthy, which I think is grossly exaggerated considering how many white Americans are upper middle class earning high incomes, the rest of the 99% of the working white class is riding an economic decline. On top of that, by the mid-century white Americans will technically be a minority. Assume these two observations as fact and one can extrapolate the following implications.

If indeed white Americans end up becoming a minority, they may find it harder to lean on their social crutches of "white privilege" which has given them exposure to countless opportunities that people of color are disadvantageously denied from. I do understand that just because you're white doesn't mean you automatically got it made. Remember that scene from Higher Learning where the white guy struggles in his engineering math class because all the Asian students are destroying their exams? Or what about all those white guys who are terrible on the dance floor? In all seriousness though, consider white Americans born and raised in communities like Chisago County where lower middle class to poverty-stricken is the norm. These same white folks are in their own unique struggle, though it is ironic that they criticize big government while they also depend on their handouts for sustenance! That's a whole other issue worth blogging.

However, the second implication is all the more interesting and pleasantly surprising. As the Asian-American minority continues it's economic ascendancy, fewer Asian-Americans are marrying outside of their race (I'll assume what she means is that AA women are not out-marrying as much). Walsh writes,
Asian-American median income is higher that white median income, and growing faster. Asian-Americans have higher college completion rates than whites, and the gulf is widening. In California, Asian kids are twice as likely than whites to earn grades that make them eligible for the University of California system, and they now make up a majority of the flagship UC-Berkeley campus, where just under a third of students are white...
MaSir's Commentary: Asians (29.4%) are twice as likely than whites (14.6%) to earn grades making them UC eligible. That means 60% of the other Asians are probably going to community college to save money and the remaining 10.6% are getting their ass beat by their parents right now as we speak.
In “Suicide of a Superpower,” poor Pat Buchanan seemed to believe that the rapidly growing number of Asian-Americans in the nation’s top schools had to do with affirmative action. I used to hear the same thing from clueless white people back before the passage of Ward Connerly’s Prop. 209 in 1997, which abolished affirmative action. Of course they were wrong — Asian-American students were succeeding the old-fashioned way, with hard work. Since then, of course, the white proportion of UC students has continued to decline, even without affirmative action.
Living in California it’s easy to see subtle and not so subtle signs of white status anxiety, real and imagined, even beyond school enrollment issues. I was intrigued to see, in a recent Pew Research Center survey of intermarriage trends, that intermarriage rates are going up for every group, except for Asian-Americans, whose rates have long been among the highest, but which are now coming down. Twenty years ago, when I was first writing about California’s racial frontier, sociologists explained high rates of Asian “out-marriage” as a kind of status-seeking: “marrying out” was a way of “marrying up.” Whites sought out Asian partners, in this analysis, as the closest surrogate for whites and as partners who in some settings might even represent their “marrying up.” Whatever the motive behind their pairings, white/Asian couples have the highest income of any pairings, Pew found, including white/white and Asian/Asian, and were far more likely than any other group to have college degrees. But it’s noteworthy to me that the Asian “outmarriage” rate has dropped significantly over the last few years; from just 2010 to 2008, the percentage of American-born Asians newlyweds who married whites dropped from 47% to 38% — a result of a larger Asian population in the U.S., as well as a sign Asian-Americans may no longer need to marry out to marry up. 
MaSir's Commentary: What a hot couple! HANDLE IT.
Now for some of you, a 9% decrease may seem negligible, but that is hardly the case. A decline like this is staggering when considering that it's happened in a span of just two years. What this tells me is that Asian-American men are finally gaining some socioeconomic steam which is trickling over to the mainstream, and those Asian-American women who would've given their Asian-American brothers the cold shoulder beforehand are finally taking notice.

As my dad once told me that as an Asian-American, I would have to deal with racism throughout my life, and in order to turn that negativity into something positive, I would have to excel a lot more than the average hard working white person in order to gain the same level of respect due to what Walsh and sociologists label as "white privilege". Asian-Americans must prove their value through performance, not just by complaining. But once the number of successful and upper middle class Asians reach that certain critical mass, that is when they will galvanize to raise their voice and become a force to be reckoned with.

**http://www.salon.com/2012/03/04/whats_the_matter_with_white_people/singleton/

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Looking Past Colorlines

Diane Farr posted an article on CNN yesterday regarding interracial dating I thought I'd share with everyone here with this excerpt in particular.
Pronunciation aside, it hadn't occurred to me that Seung and I made a mismatched couple. Mixed-race yes, but I couldn't fathom that my race could make me the "wrong kind of girl" for anyone.
Yes, it was white privilege that blinded me to the fact I might be the bottom of the barrel on someone else's race card.
Who would've thought "white privilege" would become disadvantageous when dealing with Asian parents? I know a lot of Asian moms who would be clamoring to get their hands on that sort of setup, but this is where the tradition and attachment to culture overrides any kind of privilege. Now if Diane were the daughter of Bill Gates maybe that'd be a different story.

Marrying or even dating someone who is culturally distant from you can be an herculean challenge that takes work. A lot of work. Getting a beautiful girl's number, taking her out on a date...heck...even sleeping with her can be a walk in the park compared to going up against Asian filial piety forces. In fact, it doesn't even need to be exclusive to ethnicity. Would it be any less challenging for someone to explain to their parents how they should accept their significant other from the housing projects when they were born and raised in The Hamptons their entire life?

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Asian Fetish or White Fetish. Which is it?

Here's a post I saw on Craigslist in light of the recent debate over interracial dating. I think the person who posted this comment raises a valid yet understated point because the focus has been so one-sided where white men are constantly being harshly accused of having Asian fetishes. But, isn't it the other way around? These guys thinks so.
Being a Caucasian man, I've heard the phrase, "Asian fetish," used a lot these days. It seems that everywhere I look, there are white men with Asian girlfriends and wives. I don't know exactly what the official interracial dating statistics would show, but my guess would be that the Caucasian male coupling with an Asian female is probably the most common interracial relationship in America. I have to admit, that I too am attracted to Asian women, but in my defense, I find women of all races to be attractive, and I have never found myself to be zeroing in only on Asian women.
I have to admit too, that I too am attracted to women of all races. They just need to be physically attractive. As long as there's a physical intrigue, my penis sees no color lines or racial barriers. 
In a recent conversation that I had with an Asian female, in my place of work, this young woman wanted to show me a dating site that she had been looking into. She wanted my opinion on some of the perspective bachelors that she had been reading about. One of the bachelors had a picture of himself posing with what appeared to be an ex-Asian girlfriend. The first thing out her mouth when she saw the picture of the young Caucasian man with an Asian woman, was that this young Caucasian man obviously has an "Asian fetish." She rejected this particular bachelor for what appeared to be a white guy, with an Asian fetish.

In my opinion, my Asian female colleague was jumping to conclusions about the bachelor pictured with an Asian girlfriend. An Asian fetish, in my book, would constitute a Caucasian man that only dated Asian women. The conclusion of an Asian fetish cannot be drawn from just one photo, in a man's dating profile. Asian fetish aside, if a person is going to create a profile on a dating site, posting pictures of yourself with an ex-girlfriend, or an ex-boyfriend, is not a good idea.

My Asian colleague continued to show me pictures and profiles of other perspective bachelors on the dating site, and one fact really began to stand out to me. Every perspective profile that she had chosen was that of a Caucasian male. It became very evident that my young Asian female co-worker definitely has a Caucasian male fetish. As the saying goes, my Asian co-worker is the pot calling the kettle black. 
Another white guy agrees with the previous poster by adding his own personal experience to the mix.
I agree that many of the Asian female-white male pairings are a result of the asian females having a white male 'fetish', not the opposite. My ex-girlfriend (asian-american) only dated white dudes. Many, like her, claim that they are open to all dating all races, but their standards for other races are so high, while the standards for whites are so low, that de facto, only the white dudes stand a chance. Just look around at many of the pairings you see. It's clearly the white guys who are on the winning side of these pairings. Therefore, how can you blame the white guys for seeking out asian women. If you can easily get an asian woman who should be out of your league vs. having to bust your ass to score with a less attractive female of another race, most guys will take the easy path. It's in our nature. 
Case in point. What guy, regardless of race or nationality, wouldn't want to take the least path of resistance in the dating game? Can't hate on that. He continues...
And, I don't think that Asian American women are much different from other American women. They are not meek or subservient, just ask their husbands/boyfriends. White women are just bitter that they are being passed up and are lashing out in jealousy. All women subconsciously seek men of status and white men clearly have the highest status in the US, although in certain US subcultures that may not be the case (a whole other discussion). Asians are just more attune to the race/status correlation since being a minority makes you more conscioulsy aware of it and theirs is more of a white-washed culture. I don't see white women being that open to dating non-whites either. Again, they are 'open' to it but the standards are different depending on the race, e.g. a asian dude better be exceptional to have a shot. 
Recall Freakonomics if you forgot. Men of Asian ethnicity must make 250K more on average for a white woman to consider dating them, which means what? Yes, Asian-American men do need to be exceptional. YES, exceptional and I'm trying to take a positive spin on this. Just like how AA men were taught by their first generation parents on how to be in school, AA men need to be exceptional in the dating Game as well. That means get your shit together. Get some money, get some style and execute in the field. Being exceptional should not be exclusive to education and career development but akin to all other facets of life. There's nothing wrong with striving for excellence.

Monday, June 14, 2010

IR Marriage Rates On The Decline

Miriam Jordan of the Wall Street Journal published an intriguing article which I found quite offensive and insulting. According to recent data trends, the number interracial marriages with whites has declined or stagnated over the past two decades. Some of you will celebrate this phenomenon, others could care less.

Now here's what I find insulting,

For years, that was also the path followed by successive generations of immigrants and children of immigrants in the U.S., including Hispanics and Asians. But new data indicate that the age-old notion of assimilation in America is slowing.
The overall number of interethnic and interracial marriages continues to grow, as taboos against it have faded significantly. An estimated 8% of all couples in the U.S. belonged to distinct ethnic groups in 2008—with more than 10% in California and Texas—a sharp increase from the 3% overall rate in 1980.
But new research concludes that intermarriage rates between Hispanics and non-hispanic whites and between Asians and whites have declined or stagnated over the past two decades, due in part to a surge in immigration that has expanded the pool of people of marrying age in those groups. Scholars call the phenomenon a "retreat from intermarriage."
Jordan is insinuating that one has to marry a white American male in order to integrate into American society. C'mon...seriously?

This is exactly why people like this are making it harder for American born Asians like me to assimilate. I grew up in a very white community, yet was frequently made fun of for being Asian. It sucks being an outcast when you're just a kid and want to fit in with everyone else. Now here I am two decades later and it seems like 1980 all over again.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Funny Craigslist: Dummy’s Guide to Asian Girls with White Fever

Last week I blogged about an unfortunate, yet amusing post about some Asian girl who got her bum-hole blitzed during some casual encounter. Up until now I've either heard or read about a vast number of Asian-American women complaining about how they're sick of meeting guys with "Yellow Fever" and treating them like an "Asian [fill in the blank]". Is it just me or does this sound like a self-fulfilling prophecy?

If you're an AA female and the only guys that you happen to date are white, then it shouldn't be all that surprising that you encounter countless guys with Asian fetishes. It's going to happen.

This is where I think a significant percentage of Asian women who act like they're disgusted when they meet guys with "Yellow Fever" have it all wrong. As much as some non-Asian (white) guys have this  fetish for Asian women, the same can be said for vice versa. Its all explained in this post I found on Craigslist shown below.

Dummy’s Guide to Asian Girls with White Fever
The WHIGGIE (White Guy Groupie)
A brief profile of Asian girls afflicted with “White Fever”
ORIGINS: A subset of women of Asian ethnicity, usually found residing in major U.S. cities, although they have been known to appear overseas occasionally. Closely related to their cousins, Yellow Cabs (Japan), Gwei-Po’s (Hong Kong), Sarong Party girls (Singapore), Twinkies and Bananas.
NOT TO BE CONUSED WITH: Intelligent, emotionally-secure women who are free of identity problems, self-hate, racial prejudice and chips on their shoulders.
CHARACTER TRAITS
- Poorly developed self-identity. Pathetically insecure with themselves and their ethnicity.
- Resentment of father’s traditional, authoritarian upbringing (whether real or perceived).
- Brainwashed into believing that they, as AF’s, are more desirable than other women in exotic lotus blossom kinda way. Willingness to pander to western media sexual stereotypes of AF’s, which they perceive as marketing advantage.
- Thoroughly whitewashed. Desperate need to fit into “mainstream” (i.e. white) society and to distance themselves from their Asian heritage. Racial inferiority complex.
- Feigned air of superiority when dealing with members of own race and any other minority groups. In need of major attitude adjustments.
- Exaggerated, whiny, Encino-esque valley girl accent.
- Delusions of grandeur… “I want it all…and that begins with the right (i.e. white) guy…” Asian-American princess complex.
- Uncanny ability of determine one’s nationality, occupation, earning capacity and make of auto within three minutes of commencing a conversation.
- Exaggerated perception of white males’ value in increasing AF’s social status.
- Ignorant and narrow-minded, eager to adopt and perpetuate fallacious western media stereotypes of Asian men.
- A compulsion to trash Asians, particularly Asian men, in order to justify their autoracist tendencies, placate their guilt and bolster their self-esteem.
- Extremely shallow, self-centered, argumentative and boring.
- Disdains ethnic studies; regards it as a major threat to her carefully constructed, self-deceptive whiggie identity.
- Despises all Asian men, with the occasional exception of their brothers (after all, they share the same genes.
- Believes that racism does not exist because she, as an AF, has never experienced it first hand, or is too dense to realize it. Besides, those Asiaphiles are so nice to her (while plotting to get into her pants.
- Gets a warm fuzzy feeling when watching The Joy Luck Club, while snuggled up to her geeky Asiaphile boyfriend.
- Believes that the only reason an Asian person would disrespect her is because they are racist.
- Has lost count of how many WM’s she’s done this month.
- The wet-dream come true for socially-handicapped Caucasian nerds who are unable to attract Caucasian women.
- Threatened and insecure in the presence of any culturally-perceptive Asian person or any AM not fitting her stereotype of the quiet , marginalized, “model minority” geek.
- Fundamentally insecure, utterly confused, lacking in self respect.
- Many aging whiggies, after being used and abandoned by WM’s in favor of younger, more nubile whiggies and being rejected by AM’s who see through their transparency, develop a bitterness towards all men, period.
- Denial of all of the above.
FACIAL EXPRESSIONS: a) Look of contempt when eyes meet those of any non-white male, converting to beaming grin upon sighting of WM victim/target; b) terminal pout or c) bimboish expression that defies deep thought.
TYPICAL ATTIRE: Anything trendy, mainstream-looking and seductive (especially if it’s black and tight). Big hair (perhaps their most valuable asset) tossed with hand every 15 seconds. Wonderbra. Fanatical whiggies have been known to undergo certain procedures such as eyelid surgery, breast augmentation and vaginal tightening operations in order to increase their marketability to WM’s. Blue contact lenses and bleached blonde hair have even been sported on occasion. Note: Attire may vary depending on the specific type of WM being targeted.
I.Q: Too low to measure.
NATURAL HABITAT:
Personal ad columns (“exotic, slim, SAF seeks successful, generous SWM”), cheerleading squads, sorority houses (role: token “oriental sisters”), T.V. newsdesks, B-grade Kung-Fu flicks, trendy nightclubs (usually found necking with aging WM’s), Chinese restaurants (slumming with the WM and demonstrating that she’s “in touch with her heritage”), anywhere else frequented by White males.
TYPICAL WHIGGIE QUIPS:
Age 10: “Mom, why do we have to be (Chinese/Japanese/Korean)? Do you have to dress like that? And what’s with Dad and his accent?
Age 12: “Mom, I want an eyelid job for Christmas, okay?
Later on…
“I’ve always only dated white guys. I don’t know why, I just have.”
“Race doesn’t matter. I just happen to like white guys. It’s just a preference.”
“We are the world, we are the children…We…”
“I’ve gone out with all kinds of guys…Dutch, English, French, German, you name it. Even went out with a Jewish guy once! After all, love is color blind.”
“Eeeew, Jennifer, how could you go out with that (insert minority group here) guy!?” Totally gross!
“Oooh Roger, you’re like soooo strong and intelligent. Did you say you drive a beemer? Kewl! (giggle).”
“I want to learn English better…you maybe teach, handsome man? Are you U.S. citizen?” (Yes FOB’s can be whiggies too!)
“Like why would I want to go out with an Asian guy? They don’t own me or anything. Uhh, and besides they are all male chauvinist …and domineering too…yeah that’s it! Didn’t you see The Joy Luck Club?”
Like, I’m dating *out* of my race, so how can I be racists?!! Duh!!
CLOSELY RELATED TO: Racists, bigots, wannabes, ho’s, chameleons, white supremacists, a fish out of water.
MEDIA REPRESENTATION/ROLE MODELS: Connie Chung, Amy Tan, Lisa Ling, Margaret Cho, Sheryl Wu Dunn, any of The Joy Luck Club protagonists (except the one who married an Asian dude).
NATURAL COUNTERPARTS: Asiaphiles…who else?
I didn't write it but I agree with about 90% of it. He should've added Esther Ku and Michelle Malkin to this list of "MEDIA REPRESENTATION/ROLE MODELS".

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Keep it on the DL: Dating Non-Asian Girls - Part 5


My friend X, whom I mentioned earlier, is now doing very well with women.  In fact, not too long ago he was dating two girls and had to make the decision of which one he wanted to keep as his girlfriend and which he had to let go.  It's quite a change from his earlier days.  When we were in high school, he was so nervous with girls that he used to flush bright red, clench his fists, look straight down at the floor, and walk past silently whenever the girl he liked waved hello at him.  He had tried his mother's way, becoming rich and successful, but when that didn't bring him the beautiful women and happiness it had promised, he had to overcome his shyness and gain more experience talking to girls directly.  We got to talk and share our successes and failures with each other and discuss what we could do better.  I think that having him to talk to and seeing the kind of progress he made pushed me to assess my life and do more with myself as well.

For a long time, I'd always avoided examining my failures.  I hated seeing what I'd done wrong because it always brought back that lingering voice from my childhood telling me that I was worthless and stupid and nobody could ever want me, but seeing how X turned his love life around I now understand that examining what I've done wrong is much more important to a happy, successful life than celebrating and showing off what I've done right.  That's really the biggest lesson of all here.  

When you go out in the dating world or the professional world or even academic world, you're going to put forth your best efforts, but trying means failing most of the time.  As you fail, don't beat yourself up and don't place blame, figure out what you could have done to produce a better outcome.  When you get shot down, it's easy to say, "Whatever, she's a bitch" and keep trying the same things over and over, or tell yourself, "Oh man, I'm such a stupid loser!" and give up.  Unfortunately, it's not productive to do either of those things.  It's much harder, but ultimately much more helpful and rewarding to figure out what worked and what didn't, change your approach and your habits, and try again.

Remember also that there are times when there is nothing you can do.  If the circumstances are such that there was no way to get what you wanted, let it go and move on.  The circumstances will be different next time. As the old adage goes, "For every door that closes, another one opens."

--DL

Friday, March 12, 2010

Keep it on the DL: Dating Non-Asian Girls - Part 4

For those of you who have been keeping up with the Keep It On The DL mini-series, I believe the points DL mention below are quite sound and reasonable. Albeit they may be common sense to most of you readers out there, but the key point is to actually employ these tactics. Otherwise it becomes meaningless; yet another case of the theoretical and book smart Asian guy. I just started using some of these myself and it feels a lot more natural.

What is natural? I can't say I know what it is to the fullest but I do know what it's not. Its definitely NOT pretending to be a nice guy and putting up with an attitude just because she's hot if she happens to give you one. That's called being a chump.
First, don't try too hard to impress.  A lot of guys think that in order to get the girl, they need to be really entertaining and charming and show off all their nice clothes and fancy cars and highlight how great they are.  That is a big mistake.  Turn this situation around for a moment in your head.  If you met someone and he or she was trying really hard to show off to you, trying to prove how awesome s/he was, would you find it more attractive or annoying? 
Nobody likes a showoff and beautiful women have guys trying to show off at them constantly. Beautiful women, like the famous, wealthy, and politically connected, have people trying to get with them all the time by showing off all the great things about themselves and they can see through it. They know that you're only trying to impress them because of how they look or their fame or money or political power. However, if you give them the opportunity to impress you with their achievements and attractive aspects of their personality and show them that you value something other than their looks or what they can do for you, you'll win their respect and admiration.  
This may be especially difficult if you grew up in a household like mine because your instinct will tell you that you aren’t good enough and you have to try to prove your worth to her, but resist that urge!  Wealthy men don’t have to tell you they’re rich. Confident, attractive people don’t have to prove themselves to anyone.
Second, don't be punk - fakin' the funk - thinkin' that hard stuff while spittin' that extra junk.  What I mean is, if you really aren't impressed with a girl or she's inconsiderate or boring or annoying, don't act as if she's the most courteous, fascinating person in the world.  Be polite, but don't put up with it.  If you fake it, at best you might manipulate her into something with you that you'll both feel bad about later and at worst she'll see through it and peg you as a desperate sycophant.  Besides, calling people on their bullshit often makes them respect you more. 
Third, be assertive and decisive.  A lot of people with low self-confidence mask what they want and sabotage themselves.  They think that by anticipating failure, they can soften the blow to their self-esteem so they say things like, “Hey, I was wondering if you might want to go on a date with me but you probably don't so it's okay...” and they are either too eager to please or lazy so instead of coming to decisions on their own, they waffle and say, “I don't know, whatever you want.”  Realize that you are your own person with your own desires and voice them.  Make firm decisions, look people in the eye, stand up straight, and don't qualify, equivocate, or apologize for what you want. 
Fourth and most importantly, don't put too much pressure on yourself.  This actually applies to all areas of your life, whether it's dating or job interviews and is an extension of my three previous points.  If you say to yourself, “I can't fuck this up.  I can't lose it.  I'll never find another girl this hot/job that pays this well/deal this good again.  I'll do anything to make this work” you are sure to fuck it up.  There are always other girls, other jobs, other whatever.  If you put too much pressure on yourself to succeed with this particular one, you will find yourself trying too hard to impress, faking it, and compromising what you really want.  Real confidence means entering into a situation knowing that you can lose and having the serenity of mind to accept that potential outcome and learn from it even if it hurts.
A little bonus tip I have is not to be cloying or clingy.  Give her space.  Let her miss you.  It's always better for her to want more of you than to be around too much so that she wants less of you.
 To Be Continued...

Monday, March 8, 2010

Keep it on the DL: Dating Non-Asian Girls - Part 3

Four of my former lovers (3 White & 1 Black) specifically had a thing for Asians.  In case you don't believe that girls get the Yellow Fever too, let me refer you to the following examples,


And...


"What about Latinas?", you ask? Take a look at this couple.


And of course, Victor Kim from Quest Crew holdin' it down with Lizzy Richardson from the San Diego Chargers cheerleading squad!


EDITOR'S NOTE: These are not rare instances. They only seem to be rare to frustrated Asian-American men because mentally 1) we believe the shit imposed upon us by the media-entertainment complex. Everyone knows their depictions of Asian-Americans in general is a STRETCH from reality. 2) A handful of asshole white males (yes, there are some bad apples of the bunch like Hollywhite - John Mayer types) get some twisted enjoyment out of belittling other ethnicities, meanwhile bashing white women who date outside their race. 3) A number of Asian-American women often times play a harsher Game with Asian-American men as opposed to other ethnic males. In retrospect, I came to the startling realization that AA women have been less open to my approaches as opposed to other Latina, white and black women. DL shares with us similar experiences.

I think dating other races may actually be easier than dating East Asian girls because I’ve received snottier treatment and harsher blow-offs from East Asian girls than I’ve ever gotten from any girl of another race.

In part I have to thank the short-lived TV series Vanishing Son for the fact that I never had issues with dating outside my race.  Looking back, the show wasn't very good, but I was only 12 when it was on, so it didn't matter.  What did matter was that the main character of the show was a handsome, confident Chinese man who lay the lovin' down on all kinds of ladies.  He was like a Chinese Shaft and  that definitely made an impression on me.



Another part of the reason I have always dated girls of other races is that I always resisted my mother’s attempts to manipulate me.  I know it’s cliché to blame your mother for your issues, but I do believe that a lot of the problems that Asian American men have in their love lives come from our mothers’ derisive treatment and harmful conditioning.

Some times guys ask me how I date girls of other races which is a difficult question to answer because I honestly don't think it's any different than dating East Asian girls.  I think there are four key things to remember in any kind of dating scenario: 
  1. Don't try too hard to impress
  2. Don't fake it
  3. Be assertive and decisive
  4. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.  
You'll notice that there are a lot more don't's than there are do's, and that's because guys screw up potentially good situations by doing too much more often than by doing too little.

More details next time...

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Keep it on the DL: Dating Non-Asian Girls - Part 2

For some reason a couple of days ago my blog was down for an entire day so I couldn't post the 2nd part of my guest writer's piece.  Thankfully it was merely a glitch of some sort on Google's part (at least I hope it was). Anyway, continuing with DL's piece...I bring you Keep it on the DL: Dating Non-Asian Girls: Part II,
All of this is a roundabout preface to discussing my own experiences with dating, interracial dating in particular because I've never dated an East Asian girl and the majority of girls I've dated have been White.  As I mentioned before, I am Chinese, I'm not very tall (5'7”), and until very recently, I've never had much money.  Both my parents are janitors and I put myself through college working as a bus driver and a line cook.  However, none of those things was ever a real obstacle in my love life.  Yes, I know that height, race, money, and social status matter to some girls, but our own insecurities about those things often hold us back more than the girls' concerns about them. 
Once, after I had kissed a girl good night, she said, “Hey, are you shorter than me?”  I said, “Probably, I'm not that tall.  Is that a problem for you?”  She said, “No, is it for you?  Some guys freak out over stuff like that.  I dated a guy once who got really upset when he found out that I make more money than he does.”  Of course, I didn't care at all about our height and wealth disparities.  In fact, I like dating girls who are within two inches of my height in either direction. You don't have to adjust your car seat and mirrors when you drive each other's cars.  Also, it makes having sex while standing much easier! 
What this means is that you should try to put race out of your mind in the dating scene.  If you see a cute girl making eyes at you, don't doubt yourself because she's White or Black or some other race that you don't think could ever be into Asians, or taller than you or whatever, just go for it.  The worst thing she can do is turn you down and even in that situation, you end up with an amusing and embarrassing story to tell your friends. 
Most of the girls I've been with have told me that I'm the first Asian guy they have ever dated, not because they aren't into Asians but because Asian guys never approach them.  Race has only rarely come up at all.  A few years ago, I was on a road trip with one of my former girlfriends and when we stopped for gas, she asked me, “Do you feel like people are staring at us?  Why is everyone looking over here?”  I shrugged, “Maybe because we’re an interracial couple.”  She started laughing, “Oh my God!  We ARE!”  It mattered so little to her that we were of different races that the fact that other people noticed it caught her off guard.
To Be Continued... 

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Keep it on the DL: Dating Non-Asian Girls

A cohort of mine, I call by the name of "DL", has been overcoming what some Asian-American men as insurmountable obstacles in the world of interracial dating since his teenage years.  As laudable as many of us might see this, DL states he rarely had any issues when it came to dating outside of his ethnic background as a Chinese-American.  Curious with how his life experiences and outlook might vary from other Asian-American men frustrated and discouraged with the IR disparity, I asked him to guest write for Destroy & Rebuild.  Take it away DL!  **Shines spotlight**
When I was a kid, my mother gave me a talk about why I should only date East Asian girls.  She said that everyone with darker skin (i.e. Southeast Asians, Hispanics, Blacks, Arabs, central Asians, and almost every other racial/ethnic group you'd care to mention) were dirty, lazy, and not to be trusted, and as for White girls, they wouldn't ever go for me anyway.  Naturally, the first time I brought home a Filipino girl my mother had a fit.  When I was 17, I brought home a White girlfriend, one with blue eyes, red hair, and classic Nordic features, and my mother asked, “What's up with you and this Mexican girl?”  She simply could not wrap her head around the fact that I was dating a White girl so her mind just rejected the idea.
Like a lot of Chinese men, I grew up in a home where my mother constantly berated me, telling me that I was stupid and worthless and would never amount to anything unless I lived my life exactly the way she told me to.  She told me I needed to stay home, study hard, get good grades, and not “waste my time” having a social life, playing sports, or talking to girls.  If you grew up in a strict, traditional East Asian household, this probably sounds familiar to you unfortunately.
Too many of us buy into that conditioning.  Too many of us end up believing that we aren't good enough, aren't desirable.  Too many of us think that no girl will like us now, but if we get good grades, we can get the high-paying job and the wealth accumulated from that job will bring us all the beautiful women of our dreams.  That is a bunch of bullshit.  If you're in the workforce now, you know 
[good grades ≠ high pay] & [high pay ≠ success with women]
A good friend of mine (we'll can him “X”) bought into this belief for a long time.  X is Chinese-American like me.  He worked hard all throughout high school, never got any experience talking to girls, and would beat himself up if he didn't get high enough grades.  He finished college with a 3.1, which is good, but not super impressive.  Nevertheless, he started his own company and was making $300k in annual profits within two years.  Still, X did not know how to talk to girls.  There are a lot of jokes about how girls are gold-diggers and all you need is money, but honestly, how would that work?  Would you get girls just by putting on a tux and walking around flashing cash at everyone?  If that were the case, that Millionaire Matchmaker show never have come into existence because rich guys wouldn't need that freaky lady to set them up on dates.
 To Be Continued. . .

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Dude! Be Vociferous But Not Violent.


You know the interracial dating scene has become tremendously imbalanced when you read something like this. 
Brooklyn--Eight people were arrested after they allegedly beat and robbed a man for being in a Sunset Park bar with the wrong woman. The 21-year-old victim was inside Cafe Mix Bar on 61st Street with a 20-year-old Asian woman shortly after 4 a.m. Thursday when several men began badgering him for being with someone of that race, sources said. The gang attacked the couple outside, the sources said. Cops broke up the melee and arrested Jack Chan, 26, and seven others, said the sources.
Alright, let me get one thing straight.  By no means am I advocating that we use violent measures to tilt the dating landscape back to a healthier equilibrium.  Its one thing to be a militant minority and vociferously challenge the system, but its another to act with violence against a person simply out of spite of an ethnic mismatch that's not in our favor.

This is not Progress.  Its not Acting to better ourselves and its not Voicing to achieve social awareness. This is downright heinous and unacceptable.  I understand Jackie Chan was jealous, but its not the guy's fault you ended up having to play Mr. Miyagi's role in the new Karate Kid. I'm just kidding.

Seriously though, I completely understand if there's envy and resentment, but unless the guy instigated an alteracation first, there's no legitimate reason to beat and rob him just because he's with an Asian girl.  You don't see an IBM sales rep physically beating up an Oracle one because he lost an account. Let's not forget that Vincent Chin was also assaulted winding up dead because of envy.  I sure as hell don't want that shit happening to me when I'm at a bar with my non-Asian girlfriend.  That's not how we should play the Game and its definitely not my modus operandi of making Progress.

I'd rather spend that time and energy on a PUA workshop, sending a letter to Hollywood executives as to why we need more Asian American men in entertainment or organize a revolution.


Then again, maybe shit's just hit the fan and it was bound to happen after somebody had a terrible flashback while listening to a NaS track??  *shrugs*
"I shall - stay real, stay true, stay holdin figures
Never put a bitch over my niggaz
I shall never, cooperate with the law
Never snake me I always hold you down in war
If they take one of mine, I take one of theirs
I never break the oath to the death I swear."
-Smokin' -- NaS, 2001


Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Are Asian Women Easy For Non-Asian Men?

I sure think so.  With all the hoopla over Asian women in America these days it appears that our fellow Asian American sisters are getting a bad wrap, literally.  According to a study done by Boston University Professor, Hyeouk Chris Hahm, "Asian-American women were four times more likely to have a sexually transmitted disease over their male counterparts" which leads me to believe that they are considered easy, especially to non-Asian American males i.e. White guys.  Someone is obviously fuckin'.

Now maybe I'm supposed to be in complete shock and dismay, but its not all that surprising if you think about it.  Go ahead and yap all you want about the different statistical methods of slicing, dicing and presenting the data to bias the results, but before you disparage Hahm's findings save your breath and do three things for me first,
  1. Take a stroll down the block and count how many Asian Female/White Male couples there are as opposed to AM/WF couples (this works even better if you're in California or NYC by the way).
  2. Go to Craigslist and look under the Personals section and see how many SAFs are seeking out SWMs and vice versa.  I guarantee the scale is tipped more so in one direction.
  3. Take a trip to Japan, China or any Asian country for that matter and perform 1 & 2.  In this case, you can interchange White with Black as well.
Since traveling to Asia may be a limiting factor for most of you, just by completing the first 2 points, do you still find this hard to believe?

Hahm also discovered that "Asian American women had a higher prevalence of STDs than White women in both 1995 (10.4% vs. 7.7) and 2001 (13.5% vs. 8.3%).  The incidence of STDs (not diagnosed with STDs in 1995, but developed STIs in 2001) among Asian American women was also higher than that of White women."  I know all of you AFs out there aren't easy, but this is some damning evidence when compared with White women.  Incorporating these findings with AFs being 4x more likely to have an STD and it really begins to beg the question.   

I don't mean to lambast all of you AA ladies, but try practicing responsible, safer sex by wrapping it up and slowing it down before you either catch a reputation as being an easy lay or something even worse!