How Not To Pickup A Girl

The other day I witnessed a pickup flop right before my eyes. Now before I go on criticizing the way I saw this hapless Asian guy trying to pickup a girl at a local coffee shop, I commend him for at least trying and I have to admit that I've made some big mistakes too; by no means does it make me less guilty.

Here's one example of me being lame. One time I was walking down the street and saw this hot Asian girl carrying her laundry basket. She wasn't even struggling with it but I went ahead and asked her, "You need any help with that?" as kind of a lame joke. She immediately blurted out, "No thanks!" and so, I just continued on walking. #FAIL.

Okay, so maybe that wasn't my greatest moment in pickup history. I've had better comebacks before, like at the gym one time when I saw this girl working out on a leg press machine and I intentionally went up to her with a cheesy opening line.

Me:  Hey, do you need a spot? 

Girl: Ummm. No thanks. 

Me:  Are you sure? Those weights look pretty heavy. 

Girl:  I'm sure. Thanks.

It was a freakin' leg press machine! You don't really need a spot for a leg press and definitely not for 20 pounds, but I was persistant nonetheless. I marched forward anyway after pretending to turn around as if I were about to leave and responded back,

Me: Can you pretend like you need a spot? *half smiling*

Girl: *Two second pause.*  Oh...I get it. 

         *She starts to giggle a little*  That's pretty good!

Actually no, it was pretty horrible because I didn't have much else to follow up with. I resorted to some small talk but I didn't really get anywhere because there was another, bigger issue. I was trying to pickup a girl at the gym - a place where women feel gross with all of these guys staring at them. You're sweaty, they're sweaty and most women probably don't want to be bothered which is why they have their headphones on. In fact, whenever I see a woman with her headphones on I interpret that as, "Leave me the fuck alone. I don't want to be bothered." Not to say its impossible to achieve success at the gym, but I'd much rather prefer a bar, lounge or coffee shop, which brings me to my next story.

The Coffee Shop Flop

There is a mixed looking Asian-White female sitting adjacent from me. I'm minding my own business when this Asian guy sitting near her vicinity opens her up asking if she's heard of some famous violinist. She responds that she has not, and then he proceeds by explaining what makes this violinist so talented and unique. (I forgot her name and the reason).

Now here's where things begin to go south. He starts to ask her a series of questions as if he was employing The Rule of Consistency tactic. As the guy gets this girl to admit that the violinist is talented by showing her a YouTube clip, he follows up with additional questions that elicit a string of "yes" responses. That's when he stages with a leading question; if there was a free ticket available would she be interested in going, to which she responds hesitantly, "Ummm...Sure."

She's pretty much committed at this point, and that's where he pulls the rug out from underneath her feet. "Would you like to go with me next weekend?" She has the look of feeling bamboozled and her response illustrates it clearly. "Heyyy! This is a trap!" It certainly is. By now everyone around them sees what just ensued. I really wasn't surprised by her subsequent BS excuse about how she had to prepare for some exam, simply because whenever a someone tells you they're "busy" that's just another way of them rejecting you politely. You are not a priority on their list. If they find you valuable enough, they will almost always carve time out of their busy schedule to meet with you. No girl is that busy. With all the time wasted on checking facebook, tweeting and texting, I seriously doubt women are so busy to the point where they cannot meet with you even for a cup of coffee. If she really is interested, she'll most likely counteroffer or give you a way out.

Now as a spectator and someone who has failed over 100 times, here's where I think the guy messed up.

First off, I didn't mention how he was dressed but he looked like a slob. Here's a special request to my Asian brethren out there. PLEASE practice good hygiene, take care of your complexion and try to dress nicely. You don't have to be rockin' a bespoke suit or pull some peacocking outfit, but for the love of God do not go up to a girl looking like a slob. If you're a starving college student, understandable but make sure you offset this somehow. Cocky humor is one possibility but shouldn't be used as a substitute for hygiene!

Second, do not back a woman into a psychological corner by asking her questions that would lead to feelings of discomfort. A woman shouldn't feel like she's being coerced into saying yes. Its already creepy enough as it is for them to deal with random guys going up and talking to them and its even worse if he's dressed like a bum.

Lastly, get to know the girl at least a little bit before asking her out. She needs to open herself up to you and you should reciprocate. This establishes rapport and helps her trust you a bit more. For qualification purposes, I'll say not by a whole lot, but at least by exchanging factoids about one another she is investing more of herself and time in the conversation which is always a good thing.

That said, I have plenty of stories where I've successfully picked up women, but unfortunately the numerator denoting success is much smaller than the denominator of total attempts. I have plenty of more stories I can share with you, but I'd like to hear some success or failure stories from you as well. Feel free to send them to me at masir dot jones at gmail or you can also comment below. Hopefully, everyone will learn from such experiences and improve their overall Game.