WongFu Reminds Us Why It's So Important To Approach A Girl In Under 3 Seconds

Have you ever heard of the 3 second rule when it comes to approaching a woman you're interested in? For those of you who haven't, the rule is basically this. If you notice a girl you find attractive and want to talk to, you should do it in under 3 seconds the moment you see her. As WongFu Productions little short "This is how we never met" illustrates, the longer you wait to think of something to say before you just go up and talk to her, the more likely it is that you won't do it.

LeendaD Shows Girls How To Pick Up Guys

I love it when I discover funny YouTube videos. If matchmaking ain't your thing, not to worry ladies. You can always try hunting for the perfect mate yourself. This skit comes to us from LeendaD Productions, a group of girls from British Columbia, Canada, who demonstrate for us how to pickup guys at the gym. What makes this skit so comical is that no girl will ever try to hit on a guy at the gym and secondly, its usually the other way around where guys are the ones gawking. Plus, people there are just focused on working out (and checking out the meat market).

Check out part 2. How to pick up a guy at the library.

How Not To Pickup A Girl

The other day I witnessed a pickup flop right before my eyes. Now before I go on criticizing the way I saw this hapless Asian guy trying to pickup a girl at a local coffee shop, I commend him for at least trying and I have to admit that I've made some big mistakes too; by no means does it make me less guilty.

Here's one example of me being lame. One time I was walking down the street and saw this hot Asian girl carrying her laundry basket. She wasn't even struggling with it but I went ahead and asked her, "You need any help with that?" as kind of a lame joke. She immediately blurted out, "No thanks!" and so, I just continued on walking. #FAIL.

Okay, so maybe that wasn't my greatest moment in pickup history. I've had better comebacks before, like at the gym one time when I saw this girl working out on a leg press machine and I intentionally went up to her with a cheesy opening line.

Me:  Hey, do you need a spot? 

Girl: Ummm. No thanks. 

Me:  Are you sure? Those weights look pretty heavy. 

Girl:  I'm sure. Thanks.

It was a freakin' leg press machine! You don't really need a spot for a leg press and definitely not for 20 pounds, but I was persistant nonetheless. I marched forward anyway after pretending to turn around as if I were about to leave and responded back,

Me: Can you pretend like you need a spot? *half smiling*

Girl: *Two second pause.*  Oh...I get it. 

         *She starts to giggle a little*  That's pretty good!

Actually no, it was pretty horrible because I didn't have much else to follow up with. I resorted to some small talk but I didn't really get anywhere because there was another, bigger issue. I was trying to pickup a girl at the gym - a place where women feel gross with all of these guys staring at them. You're sweaty, they're sweaty and most women probably don't want to be bothered which is why they have their headphones on. In fact, whenever I see a woman with her headphones on I interpret that as, "Leave me the fuck alone. I don't want to be bothered." Not to say its impossible to achieve success at the gym, but I'd much rather prefer a bar, lounge or coffee shop, which brings me to my next story.

True Tales of a Pickup

After reading through some of the comments from my last blog furnished by guest blogger DL, I became angry. Yes, angry. And you want to know why? I'll tell you why. Because there are way too many Asian-American guys out there that whine about the interracial dating imbalance over and over again and even after all of the stories that I've heard and shared with my readers, some of them just don't get it.

NON-ASIAN GIRLS DO LIKE YOU! Here's an excerpt DL shared with me.

Here's an excerpt from a white girl's blog I found yesterday too:  "I'd love to walk down the street with my crush and not have the entire block watch us as we go by, or to go watch a movie where the main couple is just like us. 

To be honest I’m severely jealous of WM/AF couples. They’re so accepted. White guys can assume Asian girls like them and visa versa. Asian guys NEVER assume I like them. 

I think its ridiculous that ANYONE should feel like its impossible for an entire race of women not to like them, or several races for that matter but sadly the Asian guys I've asked have told me they assume White girls dont like them, so they stick to Asian girls. I just really hope there are Asian guys who don't buy into this too."

Apparently there are. I've been there. Believe me. I've been in your shoes. Frustrated. Distraught. Hopeless. Overcome with feelings of despair. Guess what? That shit ain't gonna get you laid son! The old adage states that one should look at the glass as half full instead of half empty. Okay, so in the case of Asian-American men, perhaps we should look at the class only a quarter full. The point is, look at the positive. It's easier said than done, but the focus should be on the doing.

Last night, I decided to go out with my main Wing and hit a few bars and talk to some non-Asian girls. As a warm up, we walk into this mini-club and approach an exclusive group of filipino chicks. I didn't get any responsiveness from any of the ladies, but hey not a big deal. Usually I dig filipinas, but these ones were hella ghetto. Not my cup of tea anyway. If there's one thing I cannot stand it's glorified, ghetto Asians.

We move on and go after the real targets. Non-Asians. That was the goal. So the first two non-Asian girls we see, a black and white chick sitting in a booth, we approach and join them. Complete strangers, fairly attractive. Not supermodels, but not ugly ducklings either. He takes the white, I take the black and we attack.

We both work it. My buddy is fighting through 20 minutes of conversation with this girl who is showing ZERO interest. In fact she gives him some dirty looks and frowns, but he is a fucking soldier. His persistance overcomes any of her resistance and by the end of the engagement we both get numbers and dates for next week. Luckily, the black girl I was working on was a lot more receptive to my advances and hotter. I didn't have it too tough. I just did what most frustrated Asian-American guys aren't doing - going up and talking to women. Stereotyped shattered. Mission accomplished.

That wasn't so hard now was it?

Breaking Through Stereotypes Through Action, Not Discourse

If there's one thing I must say that is critical to the advancement of any ethnic minority group it is to take action. Nothing could possibly be more stifling to a community, regardless of being Asian, Black, Latino, etc. crying foul without taking, consistent physical action.

I blog from time to time on Destroy & Rebuild along with other Asian-related sites but importantly, I try to take action even at the expense of my ego, because I coddle "the self" way too much as it is. I don't think I'm the only one here either. I'm just the first to admit it. To outwardly say, "I admit defeat. I was wrong. I screwed up." is not as easy as it seems.

That's why when I see Asian-American guys like Asian Playboy who've managed to build an empire for himself while teaching Asian-American guys how to build confidence, it's inspiring. Other Asian bloggers out there can trash talk him all they want but the fact is, he has helped a lot of Asian-American men and built a nice business for himself in the process. Even if you discount one, you can't necessarily discount the other.

Albeit I've never been to a bootcamp of his, three of my friends have and they say it was one of the best experiences for them to grow as a person. Through the techniques they learned and deployed, one of them is dating, the other has a few women in rotation per week and I have learned through just watching them.

Scanning through my previous posts you'd probably think to yourself that the Game is BS. You either have it or you don't. Nothing could be further from the truth. I just never posted about my in-field successes. Allow me to digress for a moment. About a month ago I opened up two girls at a club and got some backup from my friend's girlfriend who served as wing woman. Next thing you know we had nine cute Asian-American chicks around us with all these guys (mainly White, few Asians) trying to pick them off because they were all attractive 8+'s. The one I was gaming was an 8.5. My friends kept telling me how hot she was considering A) she was very toned with a sexy face B) filled up a nice C-cup and C) a nice perky ass which made it even better when we started making out and rubbing up each other on the dance floor.

Two additional comments:

1. I LOVE plucking a woman's thong strap when things heat up. It stimulates them and show's you can be playfully aggressive.
2. Had there been some hot non-Asian girls I would've approached them as well, but I'm not going to talk to a girl just because of her ethnicity. She has to be hot first! If there was a hotter black or latina chick I would've opened her up instead.

Guys were approaching them left and right and they were getting blown out. These guys were taller. Some probably even better looking, but the point is you shouldn't be afraid of speaking to women. No matter how hot they are. At the end of the day they're not immortals who can take bullets and have them ricochet off the dome like some Marvel comic superhero. They're human beings like you and me. They have feelings and insecurities just like men do. Never forget that.

Gaming - Track 1: PRESS PLAY

"Enough about you dude. How about some stories from fellow comrades of yours?"

Glad you asked.  I've decided to post this story from one of my buddies who has learned the tricks of the trade. Though the story ends with him finishing at the 1 yard line as opposed to a touchdown. Nevertheless, it is still a fantastic story.


Others can suggest limitations for us. But only we can impose them ...

Two thousand something. Me to my then-girlfriend, Asian: "I promise myself, before I die I will bury my face between a white girl's legs."

Present day. I have buried my face between a white girl's legs.

And long legs they are -- she's 5-9 in bare feet, a former model who used to get paid to tan.

We met a couple hours earlier at a party thrown by a mutual acquaintance. She made an immediate impression when she entered -- tall, outgoing, with strong bone structure and a stylish haircut.

In the first few minutes after she arrived, she managed to reveal to the room that she spoke French and had modeled in Europe for a long time.

At some point later in the evening, I suddenly found her at my shoulder. She was beaming. And indirectly asking about my relationship status: "So you've got a girlfriend -- she couldn't make it?", or something else transparent like that.

I recognized the indication of interest for what it was and kept my cool. Not only did I answer in a non-needy way, I was brutally honest -- our relationship had gone through the wringer, my heart was broken and so on. But I made clear that the split was definite, that I wasn't pining over her.

She gave me a similar story of her own. We proceeded to banter for 10 or 15 minutes about nothing consequential. Truth be told, I wasn't keeping track of conversation threads. I was gauging her interest by disqualifying myself ("What do you do?" "I'm unemployed."), putting on mini-vacuums, eye coding elsewhere in the room and varying the openness of my body language. She double- and triple-checked on the subject of whether I had a girlfriend, probably to test my congruence.

I concluded that I wasn't being nearly as interesting as her behavior made me seem. All systems go.

We'd exchange numbers, at the very least. Or that's what I figured until I suddenly saw her in the foyer, bundled up and ready to leave. She hadn't said goodbye to me, hadn't even looked in my direction.

Maybe her buying temperature had dropped. Maybe she got cold feet. Or maybe the social pressure was too high.

Only one way to know for sure.

I gave her a 10-second head start out the door, then said my own goodbyes, bundled up and left.

I was expecting to catch up with her outside. But I made it down only one flight of steps before I heard her voice, a floor below me. She had stopped on the landing.

"Are you following me?" she asked, coyly.

"No," I said when I reached her. "Are you waiting for me?"

She laughed and turned to continue down the steps.

And she reached back for my hand.

Game on.

As soon as we got outside, she put her arm in mine. She announced that she was drunk and that she didn't know where we were going (translation: "Take advantage of me!"), and I said the same, along with, "Are you kidnapping me?" Role reversal.

I noticed through all this that she was walking with purpose. And so was I.

She questioned me again about following her, and I teased her for waiting. After a couple rounds of this, she made her intentions known:

"I think you're really attractive."

That was all I needed to hear. I stopped her in her tracks, pulled her close and kissed her, tongue and all. No pullback.

Just as quickly, I pushed her away and killed the momentum by introducing everyday topics -- biographical info and the weather, for instance. I dropped in "Where do you live"? -- that oldie-but-goodie. We continued walking, and I stopped her intermittently to kiss her again.

"Let's have one more drink," she said. She needed a little more coaxing, apparently.

We passed a couple blocks without seeing a bar. Then her request changed:

"Take me to the subway. I'm going home."

Buzz-kill. I decided that if we did find a station nearby, I would send her off by herself. I wasn't up for pumping her buying temperature under the glare of fluorescent lights, with a Greek chorus of bums watching. (It was past midnight.)

But another couple blocks went by, and no subway station. She admitted that she didn't know where we were.

I took that as my cue to hail a cab. When we got inside, I kept my mouth shut. We hadn't said where we were going, so whatever directions she gave to the cabbie would be the final sexual IOI I was looking for.

To her place, she said.

The making-out resumed. Mind you, I hadn't even broached the topics of sex or going to her place at this point. But that's not my style. Some guys are dominant and highly sexual; I happen to be safe and comforting.

I have no problem with building sexual tension. But I save the explicit talk until the threshold of no return.

Sun Tzu:

The rush of water, to the point of tossing rocks about. This is shih.
The strike of a hawk, at the killing snap. This is the node.
Therefore, one skilled at battle --
His shih is steep.
His node is short.

She let loose with assorted Anti-Slut Defense phrases as the cab drove: "This is crazy!" "I just met you!" "I don't even know you!"

I said in return, "I didn't know you existed before tonight." My meaning: I'm no better off than you in this situation, and I'm not responsible for assuaging your anxiety.

The ride wore on. She went to telling me how sexy she thought I was, how much she liked my hair (amid grabbing handfuls of it).

Then she said what had to be one of the most beautiful phrases I've ever heard from a woman:

"I have an Asian fetish."

And a little later:

"I'm taking you home with me."

At her place, she was quick to get me on the couch and start stripping the both of us, with the lights full on. This woman knew what she wanted and wasn't shy about it.

After our first, unsuccessful attempt at sex, we agreed to try again in the morning. But suddenly there she was, sitting on the couch dressed in her nightie, staring past me and speaking solemnly.

"You're going to leave now. We're not going to have sex in the morning. It'll be some other morning. I would prefer that."

I may have responded verbally to this. I don't remember.

What I do remember is picking her up, to peals of laughter, and cavemanning her into the bedroom.

Gaming: PRESS RESTART

My friends and I started picking up again. Yes, what some of you shun and call a scam I call fun!

It's a skill that I believe has been neglected by too many Asian-American men, because they're too busy becoming academically inclined instead of being socially inclined. That's not to say one shouldn't focus on college and their career path, but I believe that in order for Asian-American men to advance in a white and black American society they should master the Art of Socialization and Seduction. 

I refer to the both of these as an art because it follows the definition of what an artform is. When I think of the word "art" I associate it with the word "skill". There are two definitions of this word. According to Google art is defined as,

1. The expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form such as painting or sculpture, producing works to be appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional power.
2. Works produced by such skill and imagination.

If being able to talk to beautiful and even not so beautiful women were so easy, then why wouldn't everyone be doing it?

Plain and simply put, it's probably one of the most challenging things a man will ever do in his entire life. And in order for something to become a skill, it takes PRACTICE. That is what the Game is about. Being able to attract a woman because you're of a certain ethnic background, height, etc is not Game. It's more luck than anything and doesn't require any skill. Having a non-Asian girl attracted to you because she "likes Asian guys" doesn't require any skill just like a white guy who gets an Asian girl who "only dates White guys". What skill did you develop and perfect to become an Asian? Oh that's right, you didn't because you were born with it. In fact, you spent more time honing your SAT skills back in high school than anything else (Btw, there's nothing wrong with this either...just an example of what I mean by developing a skill. You should be focusing on your studies as a student. Don't misconstrue my point).

When you first start off doing some sort of art, it's very unnatural or robotic. As you continue your journey whether it be involving martial arts (see previous post LOL), dancing or even something stereotypical such as programming, you gradually become fluent in that artform. It is at that inflection point where people begin to characterize you as "a natural" when in fact several years ago you might have been socially inept. There are very few of us out there who are innately social creatures with the ability to socially navigate through a circle of strangers. Its daunting and in some cases terrifying. However, I've become inspired by my close friends who are all on a mission to do something bigger and better for not only themselves individually but also to the Asian-American male community as a whole.

I know for a fact that my fellow Asian brothers and I shocked everyone in the club in SoCal this weekend when people saw two Asian guys Gaming some of the hottest White, Asian, Black and Latinas in the club. And it ain't hard to tell when you see out of the corner of your eye that everyone is looking at you, because you're making out with an attractive caucasian women who is taller than you on the dancefloor!

Time to press restart and Game on.

Man up fellas. It's Game time, not Lame time.

Just read a post from a female reader who visited my blog (and frankly, I'm pretty curious as to who it is so if you happen to be reading this, feel free to shoot me a message).

So the point of my little post here? Asian men, stop complaining and ask us out! You may get shot down, but man up and just do it! We Asian girls want to go out with you! We don't reject you nearly as often as we reject every other race!!! This whole dating game is just a numbers racket. The more girls you ask out the more you'll eventually go out with!! 

There you have it fellas. An attractive Asian-American woman who's got your back. Now it's time for you to execute. And if you can't or don't have the balls to do so, then I highly suggest you seek some professional consulting. Speaking of which, one of my colleagues is attending Asian Playboy's ABC's of Attraction bootcamp this weekend and it happens to be his 2nd time. He's progressed quite a bit since his first bootcamp experience 3 years ago, but now he's taking his Game to the next level. Now mind you, this guy is intelligent, upper middle class, sociable and does quite well with the ladies and even he is willing to go the extra mile to improve his Game. Meanwhile there are a lot of AA guys I see out there who aren't owning up to the fact that they are ultimately responsible for their own misery.

So, if anyone would like to send me a personal success story of a recent pickup encounter, please email it  to me and I will gladly post it on my blog in order to highlight and commend you on your accomplishment.

Asian Male Picking Up in REAL time

I came across this clip on YouTube today which I wanted to share with all of my Asian brethren.  I'm not really into the Game anymore but I still like to play once in a while.

Let this be a testament that you are not helpless with the ladies.  It's a Game.  You have to practice and hustle if you want to breakthrough the limiting self-belief that you can't date a hot chick.

My response to a piece on Race & Attraction

Hey Masir

No idea if you are involved in the PUA community but would like to hear your comments on this article written by PUA "Roosh" on his popular website, this guy written a few books like 'Bang' if you've heard of that one.

Anyways he talks in this article about the 'totem pole of racial attractiveness' in he writes which goes like this for men:

"Let’s start with the ranking for men, from most desirable to least desirable. If you placed a handsome representative from each category in a lineup and let the world’s women pick their favorite, here’s who would get the most votes:

1. European men with darker, sultry features from countries like Spain, Italy, Portugal, and France
2. Northern European men with light features from countries like Denmark, Sweden, Finland, Netherlands, and Norway
3. Western men with medium features from countries like England, United States, Australia, Canada, and Ireland
4. Middle Eastern men with darker but slightly rougher features from countries like Turkey, Greece, Morocco, Iran, and Algeria
5. Latino men from countries like Ecuador, Peru, Bolivia, and ones in Central America
6. Arab men from countries like Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Jordan
7. African men
8. Southeast Asian men from countries like Thailand, Philippines, Indonesia
9. Indian men
10. Asian men from countries like Korea, China, Taiwan

and for women

How about if we did the list for women? It’d be similar to the mens list but with a couple changes:

1. Northern European women (+1 movement)
2. European women (-1)
3. Western women (no change)
4. Latina women (+1)
5. Middle Eastern women (-1)
6. Southeast Asian women (+2)
7. Asian women (+3)
8. Arab women (-2)
9. Indian women (no change)
10. African women (-3)

Mentions Asians here:

"why are Asian women viewed more favorably than their male counterparts? It’s because they are seen as submissive and compliant, qualities that make for a good partner. Plus Asian genetic features are more pleasing on the feminine form. And how about African-American women—do they see a boost like with African-American men? I don’t see that. Media portrayals have not been kind to them—they are shown to be combative and promiscuous. There are some exceptions to their perception (Ethiopian women fare rather well in being desired by men), but unless the African girl has a shade like Halle Berry or Tyra Banks, she will have trouble competing with other women higher on the list."

Anyway that was pretty brief compared to the whole article

http://www.rooshv.com/totem-pole-of-race-attractiveness

Am very interested to hear your viewpoint on this

This email landed in my inbox not too long ago. I was hesitant on writing up a piece on it, but I decided to do it just to reiterate that this topic is seriously getting old. In fact, I'm probably doing a disservice to the Asian-American community by revisiting it so I will apologize in advance. The funny thing is, I'm not even annoyed by it as much as I am amazed at how people out there are relentlessly in pursuit of marginalizing entire ethnic groups whether it be Asians, Blacks, Mexicans, etc. 

Let me make one thing clear. Asian-American men are not at a disadvantage in the dating game, period. There was a point in time where I had this twisted view of the world where I believe that they did. Truth is, its all relative. If you think you're at a disadvantage, well guess what? You will reflect that kind of mindset and persona in your demeanor which will make you look very insecure which is an invariable formula for failure. I've undergone an enormous transformation within the last 6 months and looking back at my previous blogs and commentary on other sites its actually quite embarrassing to say the least. 

Just to prove my point, I was in Virginia not too long ago and saw tons of hot AFs with AMs. Let me put that shit in bold...HOT ASIAN WOMEN with ASIAN MEN. Some of the guys these women were with were good-lookin' dudes, but I also saw others who were with women I believed to be out of their league. So what could it be? Well, it could have meant several things. 1) The guy has serious G-A-M-E and a kick-ass personality. 2) The guy has serious money. 3) It was completely serendipitous. Whatever the reason, it didn't really matter because they were with their Asian Queens and other guys were jockin' with jealousy. All in all, it made me proud and it also reinforced the notion that I must continue to take responsibility for my own unhappiness in the dating world (not that I'm saying I'm unhappy because I'm the happiest and most confident I've ever been to be absolutely sincere).

Oh yeah and last time I checked, Korean guys in substantial numbers, are sought after in many parts of the world.  

Debunking the Asian American Male Stereotype

This past Labor Day weekend was awesome.

After being absent from the nightlife scene for the last couple of months, I decided that it was time for a little break from the Bay Area and go hang out with some friends down in Southern California. I called up one of my buddies from college to see what he was up to Friday evening. Surprisingly he was available during the holiday weekend and didn't have any plans to go anywhere. Perfect. My next destination; clubbing in LA.

We roll up to the spot four deep and the place is packed with Asians. The first thing I noticed is that there were a ton of beautiful Asian women (yes, my favorite) as well as some sharp lookin' Asian dudes. I was quite pleased to see this because instead of looking all ghetto or thugged out, they looked pretty alpha and stylish. Now some of you might be thinking, "Why the hell were you checking out the guys MaSir? Are you gay?"

Clubbing in LA. Good times!

First off, I'm a straight Asian dude who loves women way too much to ever be homolicious (No offense to my female readers our there. I'm trying to make a point). Think of it this way. When I see an Asian-American male holding it down on television you want to give him his props because he's representing something that goes against the stereotypical norm of the goofy, nerdy or fobby Asian male. The media does not sufficiently capture or display this Alpha Asian-American Male (3AM) demographic to the American public so naturally I was elated to see my fellow Asian brothas looking 3AM.

There was something else I noticed that night which kind of ties back to what many of the AA female pundits have been crying out about all along. Regardless of a person's skin color, girls will be girls and boys will be boys. What I mean is as much as I've been harping on the significance of ethnicity in the past, its really trivial in the grand scheme of things because Game will supersede this phenomenon the majority of the time. I think many AMs out there, including myself, have assumed that AFs should pledge allegiance to us because we share the same cultural or ethnic backgrounds. This becomes a moot point once they're out there on the market.

One of my close AM buddies is simultaneously seeing two attractive white girls and a hot Asian girl. I used to argue with him on a regular basis how Asian men have it so bad in the American media and entertainment. His response has always been the same.

"I wish my Asian brothers would spend less time complaining about that stuff and more time improving their Game. The majority of America is still white so naturally they will want to cater toward a white audience, because that's where the money is. Even if Hollywood does portray Asian men in a positive manner, how is that going to change how successful Asian men are with women? Would it be beneficial for us? Absolutely. But if Asian guys want to just ride coattails off of that image, then they're just being lazy and not taking any responsibility for their own failures."

I will grudgingly admit he is absolutely right.

Randall Park, one of my favorite AM comedians, recently wrote a piece on how he used to attribute Gedde Watanabe (aka Long Duck Dong) for much of his dating woes during his adolescent years. Just like my friend, Randall has come to embrace a similar philosophy as my friend stated above.

If only I had this understanding earlier. Maybe I wouldn’t have blamed Gedde for my misfortunes with the ladies. Maybe I would’ve blamed more relevant things like my bad hygiene or my bad personality or my insistence that Sally Lawrence could be “turned around.”

Yes Randall, there are those Sallys of the world that you just can't turn around and I hope your article (along with mine) helps other AMs realize that they should cut their losses, build some character and improve their personal hygiene, since having the cush job only goes so far to make you 3AM.

K-Town Cowboys - I'm Diggin' It!

I first heard about K-Town Cowboys from one of my brother sites Alpha-Asian and now I'm diggin' it! Sorry James, I've been agonizing waiting for the next one! I was a bit skeptical of it at first but its been pretty entertaining and fairly accurate.

What I like about K-Town Cowboys more than anything is how it depicts Asian-Americans, specifically Korean-Americans. We're normal, fun, easy-going and enjoy Gaming just as much as the next American guy. The two words I want to underscore here is normal and American. No, not the kind of shit Hollywhite incessantly shoves down our throats, but what you're more likely to find here in America.

Of course, its not going to be 100% spot on because its fiction, but the producers do a superb job of incorporating many of the real K-Town elements in the show. Some of them I actually cringe over which explains why I wasn't too fond of the whole K-Town culture growing up. Nevertheless, I can still relate. Hopefully someday you will too.

These Girls Have A Point

Last year I ran across this video before I started blogging and decided to revisit it to share it with you all.  The Asian-American girls in this clip have a point (they're also pretty hot ^_^). Obviously they're half-joking, but I can't entirely dismiss their impression of how Asian-American guys act when it comes to picking up women. As for the accuracy of the other ethnic males, I have no comment but I suspect it's warranted based on their personal accounts. What I can say is that this is all too common among many AA men. I've been guilty of this myself occasionally. Yes, its terrible.


After watching the video I asked one of my female friend's what she thought about it.  Sad to say, her sentiments were contiguous with the video's message about Asian guys,

It's pretty true...I mean its a tad exaggerated, but it falls along those lines.  Asian guys are too shy.  If you're lucky sometimes they'll come up to you.  That's why an asian guy who is not shy...he can get a lot of asian ladies b/c they like the confidence =P.  Nice little trick huh?

A woman's beauty can be intoxicating. You stand there not knowing what the fuck to say to her even though you want to because you're mentally deifying her to the point of self-intimidation. This is what bites AA men in the ass. This self-limiting belief that she will reject us because we may not be rich enough, good looking enough, tall enough, or whatever simply because she is physically attractive should not deter you from talking to her.

Rejection is not the end of the world.  You will still live to see tomorrow.  The Earth still turns, the sun will still shine and the stars will continue twinkling.  What has helped me is to think of it like looking for a job.  Instead of blasting a resume, you blast your personality out there just as you would when job hunting you might,

• Stretch the truth a bit, promote your best qualities, and show how you're going to add value by partnering with them.
• Demonstrate how you're different from the (other male) competition.
• Have stellar references i.e. your wingmen.

If you do a good job of gaining their trust and keeping them interested, many women will actually forgo their typical requirements of having you to be a certain height or ethnicity. You might even get that 2rd or 3rd interview and finally the job!

I believe the key takeaway from the clip is this. You have to at least be willing to open your mouth and make an effort which requires stepping out of your comfort zone and start getting comfortable with rejection.  Even if a girl rejects you or you fear looking stupid, it shouldn't matter because 9 times out of 10 you will never see those people ever again.

As Asian Playboy once said, "She's not rejecting YOU.  She's just rejecting your SKILL SET" just like any employer would.

A Commendation Letter

I received an email from a reader not too long ago.  It looks like there are others out there who share my sentiment of learning how to be social and attract women - a common issue among many Asian-American men and one possible solution to address it.

Dear Masir Jones,

I agree with your assessment that learning pickup skills is a step in the right direction for Asian America men, and I'd like to give you props for your candor and sincerity in sharing a brief glimpse into your upbringing (I'm referring to your happily ever after poem, and the three paragraphs that follow it). 

I share a similar experience to you in that certain things that you mentioned (getting into a good college, not going to parties, not trying to meet girls, career comes first, etc.) were also emphasized to the point of being absolute religious law in my parents' household, and any deviation from that was harshly rebuked. For me, this process began when I was an adolescent. In one instance (probably when I was in the 3rd or 4th grade), my mom reprimanded me repeatedly for being too facially expressive, and not being "serious" enough. (How the hell is a 4th grader to be expected to be "serous?!") So, right from the get-go, expressing emotions was already disallowed. That, in turn, made it easier for my parents to emotionally restrict me, and for them to completely reign-in my sexuality in terms of going out and trying to meet girls in order to fulfill their ultimate plan of having me get into a good school, get a good job, and climb the corporate ladder-- all before ever having a shred of social skill or any remote chance of knowing how to get a date with a girl.

So, I just wanted to thank you for taking the time out to write the YAPP blog entry, particularly for one statement in it. It's because of people like you that Asian American men (who might happen to not good with women) have someone to go to as a point of reference for making their own choices in life. The statement I'm referring to is: "From my experience for instance, I've developed and improved much of my social skills by the actual application of PUA theory and its teachings.  Yes, I've gotten laid from it as well..." For many Asian American men (myself included), simply knowing that this is possible is in itself ground breaking. In my case in particular, I was once completely mired in Asian angst to such a deep extent that I did not even believe that I could find a girl in America's dating landscape. When I turned 29, I basically gave up on the U.S. I was actually in the process of looking for a job and an apartment back in Taiwan with the intent of having my network of 13 cousins introduce me to a girl over there so that I could get married and live out my life in Asia. But because of a personal statement from one of my friends (that was similar to the one I quoted from you above), I was able to turn myself around, re-apply myself, and here I am now, back in NYC, with a girlfriend that I love spending time with, and I've been with her for almost 2 years now, and it's wonderful. None of this would have been possible had I not first seen my friend go through a similar experience. When he told me what he had been learning, and the success that he was able to get with girls, I thought to myself, "hey, if my friend can learn how to get better with women, then so can I. He's Asian American just like me!" 

 It's hard to put stuff like that out there, on the internet where everyone can see it. It's like saying, "hey, I NEEDED to be taught how to meet girls." But I believe that ultimately it is personal statements, personal stories, and personal experiences that will motivate Asian American to defeat the stereotypes that permeate life in the U.S. So, props to you for making a step forward to defeat them, and for helping other Asian American men to do the same.

I'll be the first to admit.  I needed to learn not just how to meet girls but to be comfortable in my own Asian skin and this was one of the methods for helping me with just that.

UPDATED: YAAPP - Yet Another Asian PUA Post. One more for the critics.

I just read through several blog editorials on Pick Up Artists including all of the comments bashing or boasting it. One of the reviews is pretty critical of the Asian PUA movement so I wanted to shed some light on this dark topic of discussion.   Despite what critics may argue, the Asian PUA movement is a step in the right direction for Asian American men and I'll explain why.

As most institutions are formed in order to genuinely improve the lives of suffering individuals, the PUA movement is no different. Its analogous to religion. I can't think of a single religious leader whose sole intent was to boost his ego at the expense of corrupting the hearts and minds of helpless persons seeking out a higher Truth. They heard, they came, they saw and they followed. Unfortunately over time, most institutions either undergo some kind of mutation or branch off into modified wretched versions from its original thesis.  

Take Christianity for example. You have roughly 10,000 different sects stemming from the same founder. Is this what Jesus intended? I personally don't think so. I'll take it down a notch since religion is a touchy subject.  

Lets look at hip hop instead. Hip hop originated from the ghettos of NYC as an underground subculture consisting of 4 elements: Emceeing, B-Boying, DJing and Graffiti. It was a street culture that was mainly dominated by Blacks and Puerto Ricans to provide the urban youth an alternative to gang violence with the leadership of some mighty renegades: Afrika Bambaata, Rock Steady Crew, Kool Herc (he actually coined the term "hip hop"), etc.  

Now look what its become. A mainstream watered down, directionless, insipid, formulaic pop music culture associated with ballin', clubbin' and women dancing like video-hoes. This is not the hip hop that I remember and this definitely is not the hip hop that I love and pay homage to. But it has its pluses and minuses like PUAism. Hip hop is helping black people eat while contrastingly dumbing them down. I firmly believe the Asian PUA movement is no different.  

When Asian Playboy started his ABCs of Attraction, there was already a well-established PUA movement residing in Los Angeles. Before he discovered the world of pick up artistry, he had successfully achieved his goal of graduating from college and working as an engineer. However, he felt unfilled because something was missing from his life - women. This still plagues many 1st and 2nd generation Asian American men because Asian parents such as mine, chalk up this rosy fairy tale for us when we're younger. Just as women are told these "Knight in Shining Armor" or "Happily Ever After" fairy tales, here is the version I got,  

Go to a good school, get a good job and you'll find a good girl. [Updated]

Okay, well maybe it didn't go exactly like that, but it was something similar to that effect. The sad thing is, I never even went to a single high school dance. That's right. No Homecoming, no Winter Formal and no Prom. My family was too poor and my parents discouraged it. I had one of the cutest White girls in our class ask me to the Sr. Prom and even offered to pay for the tickets and I still said no. Of course now I regret it, however I had never been to a HS function before so I wasn't sure what the standard procedure was of taking out a girl to a formal dance. Had I been permitted to attend these functions beforehand, I would have said, "Fuck yeah!!".  

I had other limitations. Where was I going to get the money for a limo, tuxedo, flowers, etc? The previous week I just got my license so I was still apprehensive of driving.  Shit, I didn't even know how to slow dance! Very counterintuitive since I was one of the best b-boy/hip hop dancers back then at school. But most importantly, I had incredibly low self-esteem from being poor and socially inexperienced so part of me truly believed this girl just asked me out of pity.

My bad. I completely digressed.  

APB's adolescent experience may vastly differ from mine, but the point I'm trying to make is that he probably invested so much time on getting admitted into a good university and a respectable job that he completely neglected a key aspect of his life; his social life. Now I didn't want to endure the same kind of financial hardship like my parents did, so I only focused on school (and dancing which my parents discouraged too btw). But hey, my fairy tale of having that college education and high paying job would certainly lure the ladies to line up for me right? Uhhh...NOT. And why not? Because there are millions of other intelligent college graduates earning a decent or higher paying salary which makes me what? Average. Correction, average with underdeveloped social skills. [Updated Jan. 13th] Isn't this what the PUA movement was originally set out to address?  

There's no question that one of the primary objectives is to get laid. What man would not want to have sex with a beautiful women? (Besides a gay one). How can Asian PUAs be criticized of sexually objectifying women when you have guys like Rick Lee and Hung Lo who are performing the act on camera which is much more widely accessible via the web? The intent of both movements is to inspire and improve the masculine image of Asian American men by removing the sexual malware that has corrupted our hard drive. From my experience for instance, I've developed and improved much of my social skills by the actual application of PUA theory and its teachings. Yes, I've gotten laid from it as well, but it was not by using "brute force" techniques. Remember, its how to attract a woman.[End Update Jan. 13th]

Albeit, I never met APB but a cohort of mine attended his weekend bootcamp about 4 years ago and was mesmerized by his talent and ability in attracting women. He clearly had dedicated himself to this craft and wanted to share it with the Average (Asian) Frustrated Chump out there who probably concentrated too much on the fairy tale and not enough on the reality of social dynamics. APB believed and proved to himself that YES, things can be different. You can still play catch up and do a complete 180. You can exude confidence and pique a woman's interest by using certain gambits that are much more effective than a banal, "Hi. How are you doing?" or "I just thought I'd let you know I think you're very pretty." Women rarely respond to that kind of a conversation opener unless you're someone like Daniel Henney. And if your body language sucks, then you might as well throw in the towel before you even open your mouth. I don't think anyone is innately born as an Alpha male. We become Alpha. For some of us its through sports, entertainment or business. For others its by being outgoing and social.

[Updated: Jan. 14th]
I read somewhere that Tom Cruise said if people focused on improving other aspects of their life instead of pretending, then they wouldn't need this. No offense but its easy to claim this if you're a world renown celebrity such as Tom Cruise, The Last Samurai, whose role in the movie ironically reinforces the AF/WM image many of us detest so fervently. He is a deviation from the average Asian American male. Besides, if this is the only aspect of your life which needs improvement, then what makes it any different from improving the other aspects of your life?  

To summarize it all, APB and other Asian PUAs intentions are to improve the social lives of Asian American men who lack even the most rudimentary skills to converse with both women and men in a diverse social setting. Everyone eventually has sex whether or not you're PUA. There will always be bad apples who abuse what the framers of the institution intended, but don't denounce an entire movement that is helping Asian American brothers overcome their approach anxieties with women. Especially when its countering the stereotype that we have zero Game and are considered the bottom of the barrel in the dating pool.  That ain't so Alpha.
[End Update Jan. 14th]