Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Keep it on the DL: Dating Non-Asian Girls

A cohort of mine, I call by the name of "DL", has been overcoming what some Asian-American men as insurmountable obstacles in the world of interracial dating since his teenage years.  As laudable as many of us might see this, DL states he rarely had any issues when it came to dating outside of his ethnic background as a Chinese-American.  Curious with how his life experiences and outlook might vary from other Asian-American men frustrated and discouraged with the IR disparity, I asked him to guest write for Destroy & Rebuild.  Take it away DL!  **Shines spotlight**
When I was a kid, my mother gave me a talk about why I should only date East Asian girls.  She said that everyone with darker skin (i.e. Southeast Asians, Hispanics, Blacks, Arabs, central Asians, and almost every other racial/ethnic group you'd care to mention) were dirty, lazy, and not to be trusted, and as for White girls, they wouldn't ever go for me anyway.  Naturally, the first time I brought home a Filipino girl my mother had a fit.  When I was 17, I brought home a White girlfriend, one with blue eyes, red hair, and classic Nordic features, and my mother asked, “What's up with you and this Mexican girl?”  She simply could not wrap her head around the fact that I was dating a White girl so her mind just rejected the idea.
Like a lot of Chinese men, I grew up in a home where my mother constantly berated me, telling me that I was stupid and worthless and would never amount to anything unless I lived my life exactly the way she told me to.  She told me I needed to stay home, study hard, get good grades, and not “waste my time” having a social life, playing sports, or talking to girls.  If you grew up in a strict, traditional East Asian household, this probably sounds familiar to you unfortunately.
Too many of us buy into that conditioning.  Too many of us end up believing that we aren't good enough, aren't desirable.  Too many of us think that no girl will like us now, but if we get good grades, we can get the high-paying job and the wealth accumulated from that job will bring us all the beautiful women of our dreams.  That is a bunch of bullshit.  If you're in the workforce now, you know 
[good grades ≠ high pay] & [high pay ≠ success with women]
A good friend of mine (we'll can him “X”) bought into this belief for a long time.  X is Chinese-American like me.  He worked hard all throughout high school, never got any experience talking to girls, and would beat himself up if he didn't get high enough grades.  He finished college with a 3.1, which is good, but not super impressive.  Nevertheless, he started his own company and was making $300k in annual profits within two years.  Still, X did not know how to talk to girls.  There are a lot of jokes about how girls are gold-diggers and all you need is money, but honestly, how would that work?  Would you get girls just by putting on a tux and walking around flashing cash at everyone?  If that were the case, that Millionaire Matchmaker show never have come into existence because rich guys wouldn't need that freaky lady to set them up on dates.
 To Be Continued. . .


  1. Glad that you're back! Sorry, my spam blocker caught your message, and so I didn't see it until just now! I was wondering what happened...

  2. Thanks. I was wondering if Google was censoring my blog. That would've been really ironic if they did considering the current China censorship fiasco that's still in progress.

  3. Interesting piece, and all too familiar. Looking forward to part 2 of this blog.

  4. Wow, i can relate alot to your post..waiting for Part Two!


Free your mind. The rest will your fingers.