Thursday, September 2, 2010

Positive Reinforcement

Over the past several days I've been contemplating about my attitude towards the notion of being an Asian-American male. When I originally established my blog I had the intention of having it be a positive experience for my readers until recently where I've seemed to trail off into a negative oblivion. Just a few weeks ago I started bombing BigWoWo's blog with all kinds of negativity and criticisms toward Asian-American women, yes my very own sistas [sic]. What was originally intended to be a recourse for my fellow AA brothers to defend their ground AA women who reject us, turned into an online slug fest. I let a heated debate get to the best and worst of my emotions,
I rest my case. No permutations of “doing both” makes sense anymore. The numbers are statistically significant enough that warrant an undeniable trend. It does not happen by coincidence but subliminally driven motives influenced by external white-hegemonic factors which Asian women have succumb to. If you disagree, then as stated earlier, why aren’t there more Asian Female/Black Male couples? Why not Asian Female/Latino Male pairings?
There is no legitimate response because its the goddamn truth. You argue that “Asian women have more in common with white men on a socioeconomic level.” Well last time I checked, Asian men are the most financially well off so that throws this argument out the window.
Don’t you realize how absurd these “activists” sound and even the ones who defend them? Oh yes, its just so happens that all of my employees are white. I’m fighting against discrimination in corporate America, BUT that has nothing to do with the fact that every single one of my employees are white and I only hire white candidates.
Yes, this is how all of the so-called activists sound to us.
While reading through some of the harsh yet appropriate responses I realized I was being very self-centered. Albeit, there are other Asian-American men who can understand and empathize with me when it comes to the undeniable imbalance of AF/WM couples in North America. After apologizing to the offended parties I decided to disengage from the blog altogether, because the so-called "dialogue" was becoming an infinite loop of finger pointing, resentment, envy and eventual anger to which I was actively contributing to.

Human beings are funny creatures. We're very negative in our ways of thinking. Just look at the news for instance. There's a saying that no news is good news. Well whenever I read the news its always filled with negative headlines about how terrible the economy is or how so-and-so is getting a divorce. And predictably there I am consuming all of that crap every day. No wonder why I'm so jaded!

Now in order to change my tone and outlook on life to become a much more positive person, I thought I'd start off with my blog and I feel the title Destroy & Rebuild implies that I'm heading in the right direction. Granted its going to take an earnest effort on my part to accomplish this, but I want to outweigh the negative with positive reinforcement. I will try to focus on the positive achievements within the intercontinental Asian community, and in the process, highlight notable individuals around the world making a difference.

With that I already have my next topic in mind.


  1. Well I'm glad you're looking at having a more positive outlook on things. I'm reminded of a saying from this football coach (I'm paraphrasing here):

    "If you focus on things that you cannot control, then you will lose control on that which you normally control."

    The IR disparity is kind of like that. I've known lots of AA guys who get bent out of shape focusing on the disparity and analyzing it to death. They turn into the angry Asian man, and much of their time and energy is spent focusing on how shitty a deal AA men get in dating and sex.

    It sort of becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because anger and bitterness are not the most appealing traits to women, so your negativity starts to affect your love life. It starts affecting your emotional well-being and other aspects of life. Then you start lashing out at your friends and people who are really on your side.

    And yet I think AA men need to talk about this stuff and let it out. You can't deny it, like some people do. But you got to acknowledge it and work through it. And I think that's what you're doing, Masir.

    Personally, I would rather not have this stuff talked about so openly (like on a blog) where non-Asians can see. If anything, it's probably better to have a closed discussion group amongst guys who get it. That way we're free to talk about stuff without some nagging sense that we need to apologize for feeling the way we do and being who we are.

    Bottom line is I think a lot of the IR disparity is in people's heads. Sure there are a lot of AA women with non-Asian men, but so what? There are tons of AA men with beautiful smart women of all ethnicities: Asian, white, Hispanic and Black. You've got to decide what reality you want to believe in.

    Masir, you bring up the example of watching the news. We know bad stuff happens out there, but I don't go out the door thinking the world is overrun with rapists, murderers and corporate crooks. My personal reality is different from that.

    When I go out the door, I actually have seen far more AM/WF or AM/HF than AF/WM in the past few years in the Bay Area. Maybe it's because I notice the former and block out the latter. Maybe it's because of where I hang out and where I don't hang out. I don't know.

    But I don't to care to associate with women who publicly declare they don't date Asian men. Nobody likes a traitor who so easily sells out their brothers and sisters.

  2. Don't worry, dude. The weblogs can be an emotional hotbed -- especially when you are talking about race and IR dating and mating. I try my best to avoid them all together unless I'm actually posting on it because I know that it may lead to people's feelings getting hurt. It happens all the time. I know you were passionate and ready for the topic but I wasn't trying to stop you. You can grab an angry bull by the horns, but you can't stop him from throwing someone twenty feet in the air.

    As far as blogs are concerned, we all tend to take things a bit personal when talking about these issues and there will always be disagreements. Don't let it stop you from putting your ideas on paper. Believe me, I've been in plenty of fights around these webs. We are all in it together and confrontation is always a necessity. Otherwise, we'd all be drones and zombies with no recourse. Don't stop plugging away and come from strength and conviction. Stick to your guns.

    I am sure they appreciate all of your insight.

    That's all I got.


  3. Thank you all for the support guys.

    James, I completely agree with you that its all in our heads. I know that I overanalyze shit way too much sometimes and should let things just be. The IR disparity is very real, however I've come to realize that to dwell on the issue by beating it to a dead horse is rather futile and also shows a sign of weakness. Yes it can stir a mix of emotions, but channeling to self-improvement is much more constructive and beneficial to AA men as opposed to me arguing about it all the time.

    In a broader sense, if I spent less time thinking and more time actually DOING, maybe I wouldn't have been so negative.

    And to MM, I can only hope people find value in my posts!

  4. Hey Masir,

    Long time no see! I applaud you for the changes you are making in your life. It takes real guts to make changes like this, and the world can see that you are taking great steps. Applause.

    Of course RCR, TZ, King, and everyone else do hope that you'll come back eventually. People do miss you. bigWOWO has taken a much needed break from IR, and we're currently debating eugenics.

    I saw your latest post, and again, I applaud you. Keep fighting the fight, even if it's an internal fight.

  5. I think I take things too seriously at times. Just trying to tone things down a bit and refocus before I lose sight of why I'm here.

  6. Hi Masir. That IR thread got pretty intense and your mind seems too inquiring of truth and passionate to get overloaded by that IR junk. Your new blog is off to a good start. And i wish you all the best in your new direction. That which cannot kill us can only make us stronger. Your new direction seems proof of that. Thanks for sharing.


Free your mind. The rest will your fingers.