Saturday, March 31, 2012

Asian-American Interracial Marriages Declining - The Next Episode

Earlier this month I blogged about the declining trend of Asian-American interracial marriages in the US. I wrote that blog up, because I began seeing a noticeable reduction in Asian-American women dating non-Asians since last year. What's funnier is that I wrote up a blog with a similar title almost 2 years ago and didn't even remember! Wow.

Now this is going to sound lame or arguably inaccurate, but two out of the many samples of classes I used as the barometer for Asian-American interracial dating trends is extrapolated from Craigslist and night clubs. Both forums are a reflection of popular culture in America. So when I used to scour Craigslist, I'd see tons of Asian female for white male classified ads. And then, when I'd go clubbing or hit up bars, I'd see or hear about the same kind of self-afflicting nonsense, "Ummm sorry. I only go for white guys." My response has always been the same. "I totally understand. I only go for pretty girls", and that usually leaves them with nothing to say.

So here I am surfing the web on a Friday afternoon and next thing I know, Rachel Swarns from the NY Times decides to copy me with her own article on behalf of this declining phenomenon. You motherfuckin' biters...Haha. Just kidding.

Honestly, I'm glad they put it out there because the NY Times is a lot more far-reaching than my Destroy & Rebuild blog ever will be. This is some really great stuff by Rachel. It reaffirms that 1) I'm not crazy in noticing this AA trend 2) there's factual proof that indeed AA women are waking up and seeing that dating a white guy, mainly because of his race, is futile and foundation-less when it comes to marriage. Moreover, I'm surprised that the NY Times didn't allude to this, but the declining trend in marrying out - once equivalent to marrying up - is longer necessary or may not be as glamourous as once believed.  

The entire article is quite good, but there's a piece from it I wanted to highlight.
Ann Liu, 33, a Taiwanese-American human resources coordinator in San Francisco, had a similar experience. She never imagined that an Asian-American husband was in the cards. Because she had never dated an Asian man before, her friends tried to discourage Stephen Arboleda, a Filipino-American engineer, when he asked whether she was single. “She only dates white guys,” they warned.
But Mr. Arboleda, 33, was undeterred. “I’m going to change that,” he told them.
By then, Ms. Liu was ready for a change. She said she had grown increasingly uncomfortable with dating white men who dated only Asian-American women. “It’s like they have an Asian fetish,” she said. “I felt like I was more like this ‘concept.’ They couldn’t really understand me as a person completely.”
Mr. Arboleda was different...
Different indeed. The guy was undeterred, even with his target's "I only date white guys" mentality. That takes balls, heart and good grasp of the Game. The game isn't just about using gambits, lines and routines but much of it is about how persistent you are as a guy. You know what you want and you're confident that you're going to get it which is why you keep chasing. Granted, Ann Liu was ready for a change, but I bet it was Stephen's hustle that lead Ann to have a change of heart.


  1. Good insights MaSir. If you don't mind me asking, which bars and clubs geographically are you alluding to?

    Perhaps certain regions are different but most predominant Asian Club Nights in NY/CA tend to immune from this type of "I only date WG" mindset. The only exception in these cities might be the far from the beaten Asian path venues which have a few token self hating AF (and AM to be fair) on the prowl. Then again, even these places are enroute to be gentrified by Asians in what may be the next series of white flight. The fact white birth rates are dropping like flies doesn't exact help either.

    Just a couple things to think about. Keep up the blogging and keep gaming on!

  2. Primarily white areas like you mention where the Asian girls are out on the prowl for white guys mostly. That being said, yes, if you do go to a spot that's mostly Asian, the women there aren't going to be solely seeking out white guys. To be quite frank, there's nothing fundamentally wrong with it either. Everyone has their taste and preferences. My bitterness stems more from the fact that the IR disparity is lopsided, and if Asian-American men were similarly a hot commodity as their female counterparts, I'm sure many AA guys wouldn't care...or would we?

    I still think AA guys would care. There's something to be said about being in a relationship with someone who understands you culturally who is open to accepting all of you and your background, not just open to fucking you i.e. Asian fetish.

    My personal take is that Asian guys will always lean toward Asian women, because for them it's more than just the aesthetic appeal that women furnish. Whether you're a hot latina, white chick, black chick, or what have you, but more so the cultural similarities, philosophical mindset, family values and upbringing that is hard to replace.

  3. It's funny this topic is coming up. Either by coincidence or something else, I'm starting to see more AM/WF pairings where ever I go, actually just a lot of minority men/white women pairings. One time at work, I saw 3 AM/WF pairings during my shift.

    1. Where are you located? Curious to know where this is taking place!

    2. San Francisco Bay Area - Silicon Valley to be exact.

      I was surprised too, but I'm not holding my breath. I've seen just as much, if not more WM/AF pairings, so it's still prevalent. But it's a glimmer of hope for us Asian guys!

    3. If it makes you feel any better, most of the AF/WM couples at my pharmacy are on a lot of anti-depressants/bipolar meds. They might have gotten their shining white knights but they're pretty miserable at home- works well enough for me.

      I also remember one of Ben Efsaneyim's blog posts a while back about IR marriage and how there's a rising trend in AF/WM divorces so theres a very real possibility that AFs are waking up and realizing that WMs arent worth it.

      WTF Drew you live in the silicon valley too? lol


    5. Yes I do. Where are you at?

    6. I'm over on the west side bro - Cupertino to be exact. Been here all my life

    7. well if it helps I commute to de anza lol

    8. Hey if you want, we could set up a time where we can sit down and talk about Alpha Asian, this blog, our blogging, and/or whatever comes up. You down?

    9. Sure. But I'll have to get to you on that since I'm pretty busy right now.

    10. I believe this woman is "having her cake and eating it too" with a slight dash of desperation. The American economy is in bad shape now and a lot of women here aren't really wanted by the time they turn 30. Don't quote me, but I think this woman had no other option but to settle. With a lot of AM who are depressed and lonely and know no other option, he probably took what was in front of him and thanked his (really un)lucky stars.

      Guys in the know travel or incorporate a lot of secret travel into their lifestyles, and then decide never to marry in the US where the divorce rate is over 50% and almost always initiated by women because women practically rule divorce courts.

  4. I remember Ben Efsaneyim mentioning a growing trend in AF/WM divorce rates in his census post. That should have been mentioned in the article as well. I wonder if some of those AF divorcees who decided that AMs were a better suit for them.

    Also, I don't know if this is my speculation or just in my area, but I have noticed that a large portion of the AF/WM couples in my pharmacy are on anti-depressants/bipolar meds. Plus they need to teach their hapa kids to quit knocking shit off my shelves.

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  6. Good post Ma-sir. Stepping your game up and being persistent are vital in getting the girl you want. It's good news to hear that Asian Americans are marrying within their own race since America does so much to NOT promote having an Asian American couple in the media, magazines and even how to have better sex books. If u ever read one of those books they have white, black and Hispanic and Indian couples. No Oriental Asians, and Indians are even more of a minority then we are! The point I'm making is that the Western world has done so much to squash the Asian man as a worthy mate to the point that you go outside and you see more Asian women with other races then with their own Asian kin. The Asian couples u do see are not the American born ones.

    Where its good that Asians are marrying within, in this specific article I see the small print. It seems like the Asian women are becoming old and since the flings with the white guys are going nowhere because most white guys really don't take dating or marriage to an Asian seriously since its more of an experiment to them. So Asian women are beginning to settle for the next mate that won't treat them like trash which is the beta Asian male. As far as I'm concerned the Asian men in this article are settling for after market trash. They getting all the leftovers of the trash that has been ravaged by other races. These very same women in their 20's would have blown off these Asian dudes while they are still in the prime.

    So Asian men while settle for used trash? Step up your game and get the younger girls and date different races. Not to make Asian women feel bitter but to let yourself experience different things and meet women who like men for who they are. Not follow some cliche, "I don't date Asian guys." (even though she's Asian)
    Everything is a double edge sword in the world and as soon as Asian women starts seeing Asian men date out then they will feel the bitter, alienated, unworthy feelings they have made Asian men feel



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