 |
| Source: NY Times. Caroline and Daniel's Wedding Celebration |
Okay, so that's not what this article in the NY Times is about, but it is about a Vietnamese American couple who recently got married. Meet Caroline Trang Nguyen and Daniel Gien, two successful Vietnamese American Ivy Leaguers holding some prestigious occupations working for Washington. If they have children, their kids are going to be ridiculously smart.
Besides having a story that celebrates the melding of two similar Asian cultures, I also like the fact that the article highlights how Caroline was wondering why Daniel hadn't asked her out. I'm pretty sure she gave him all kinds of visual and verbal cues indicating her interest in him. She even went a step further and made it strikingly obvious by asking her brother to invite Daniel to hang out with them. How cool is that? Either he didn't pick up on them or he really was just too busy with his work. The good news is, he made a move!
Sometimes I wonder how many times a girl me sent some kind of implicit cue that she was interested which I was unable to detect. If it was blatantly obvious, I'd try to avoid it by playing dumb. "What...I had no idea she was interested in me!" But then again, there are other times where I'd say the exact same thing and actually meant it. "Seriously, I had no idea. I would've totally asked her out! SHIT!"
Females will often times demo their interest indirectly by using subtle gestures:
- Pushing their hair back to expose just one ear
- Twirling their hair with their fingers
- Laughing at every damn thing you say as if you were comedian
- Slapping you in the shoulder pretending to be upset with you
- Feel free to add to the list...
Women complain about men not being forward enough, yet they'd be extremely annoyed if every single man who had even the slightest attraction to them asked them out.
ReplyDeleteIn the end, it comes down to, "Why can't the guy I secretly like, and ONLY the guy I secretly like, ask me out?"
It's a very difficult desire, especially because a lot of guys are timid. Either that or they've developed self-preserving mechanisms after being rejected too many times.
Asian guys especially are guilty of this, I think, because most Asian guys have very low confidence due to the cultural message they've been bombarded with. Some pretend to enjoy being single, or other claim to only like Asian women (ha, yeah right).
For both men and women, it's all about saving their egos.
I wouldn't be too surprised if Dan thought that Caroline, being so accomplished and attractive, had "upgraded" to dating exclusively non-Asian men.
"I wouldn't be too surprised if Dan thought that Caroline, being so accomplished and attractive, had "upgraded" to dating exclusively non-Asian men."
ReplyDeleteVery keen observation. A bit presumptuous but one cannot deny the realm of possibility there. Its funny because there's also a stereotype out there, fueled by even blogs like this one, that Asian women mostly date white guys which is a falsehood. Asian men have a ways to go tear down these persistent stereotypes and create new (positive) ones although I would think that being stereotyped as highly educated, hard working, upper income and respectful would be sufficient, none of these spell s-e-x-y.
In my experience, it's only the stupid ones that go exclusively for white guys. With the constant barrage of negative portrayals of Asian males in the media, a poor sense of identity and a weak mind to differentiate between reality and what is shown on the media, it is only logical that they will succumb to this unsavory trend. Unfortunately for them, reality almost always sings a different tune to that of what is expected by them. Instead of getting a white knight in shining armor, they get a useless white hick with a belt. I seen a lot of women being mistreated and abused in these sort of "relationships". In retrospect, it's actually kinda sad for them.
ReplyDeleteActually, many non-Asian women DO find those traits very sexy, which would explain how U.S.-born Asian-American men outmarry at 30-40% despite all the negative stereotypes.
ReplyDeleteWhat women do not find attractive is "fobbiness", which is why Asian-born Asian-America men outmarry at only 10%.
I've been wondering more recently whether genetics pretty much sets Asian guys in general out for failure in the American dating life. It also doesn't help that cultures in Asia tend not to value strength to any appreciable degree. I almost always come to a point of resignation when it comes to the males of our race; as I see so little that can be done to change it (unless we started injecting growth hormones and testosterone in the water). Asians who are here still don't understand how people view them (weak), it's not as simple as racism, it's about the strong vs the weak. It's about social intelligence vs raw intelligence. While intelligence is good, you want to be strong and have the energy to accomplish things on an individual level. Add to that the economic environment the world faces today, it's going to be next to impossible to change what culture and genetics has given us today. I don't particularly care how much people like me are typecast, not caring/giving a rat's ass what other's think gives you that freedom to do things without mentally sabotaging yourself.
ReplyDeleteSo why this long rant then? I'd like to see more type A Asian Americans out there doing awesome things. Leaders, not followers... passionate about life....not just getting by... whom guys like me growing up could look up to and imitate instead of learning things the hard way from the very beginning. I can only encourage Asian American guys who started wondering why things are the way they are to cast off on their own and try and fail and get back up and try again, because living a mediocre life is worst than death.
Seems to me like you are just internalizing those false stereotypes that have been set upon you.
ReplyDeleteJust look at the bunch of stupid statements you made - ie "I almost always come to a point of resignation when it comes to the males of our race; as I see so little that can be done to change it (unless we started injecting growth hormones and testosterone in the water)"
I suppose you just ignore the numerous strides made by many successful Asian males - Jeremy Lin, Manny Pac, Aziatix, and so much more. This only illustrates your own submission to the false stereotypes that you are weak, unattractive, short, hideous, etc. So do us all a favor and keep that to yourself. There is no such thing as a gene making you weak. Grow the hell up and see the reality yourself. Hollywood movies =/ reality. Very far from it in fact.
I find that the negative portrayals of Asians in the mainstream media are there to ease the fragile ego of the insecure "targeted audiences". Just have a look outside and you find that Asians doesn't even slightly look like those portrayed in the white media. Reality a different story, so to speak. This undoubtedly causes insecurities among others, and as a result, by portraying Asians negatively (ie effeminate, stupid, ugly, etc), it allows them to be complacent and eases their own insecurities. Evidently, there will be instances where weak-minded idiot like our very own Luke Nguyen here that will succumb and actually internalizes these stereotypes.