A Commendation Letter

I received an email from a reader not too long ago.  It looks like there are others out there who share my sentiment of learning how to be social and attract women - a common issue among many Asian-American men and one possible solution to address it.

Dear Masir Jones,

I agree with your assessment that learning pickup skills is a step in the right direction for Asian America men, and I'd like to give you props for your candor and sincerity in sharing a brief glimpse into your upbringing (I'm referring to your happily ever after poem, and the three paragraphs that follow it). 

I share a similar experience to you in that certain things that you mentioned (getting into a good college, not going to parties, not trying to meet girls, career comes first, etc.) were also emphasized to the point of being absolute religious law in my parents' household, and any deviation from that was harshly rebuked. For me, this process began when I was an adolescent. In one instance (probably when I was in the 3rd or 4th grade), my mom reprimanded me repeatedly for being too facially expressive, and not being "serious" enough. (How the hell is a 4th grader to be expected to be "serous?!") So, right from the get-go, expressing emotions was already disallowed. That, in turn, made it easier for my parents to emotionally restrict me, and for them to completely reign-in my sexuality in terms of going out and trying to meet girls in order to fulfill their ultimate plan of having me get into a good school, get a good job, and climb the corporate ladder-- all before ever having a shred of social skill or any remote chance of knowing how to get a date with a girl.

So, I just wanted to thank you for taking the time out to write the YAPP blog entry, particularly for one statement in it. It's because of people like you that Asian American men (who might happen to not good with women) have someone to go to as a point of reference for making their own choices in life. The statement I'm referring to is: "From my experience for instance, I've developed and improved much of my social skills by the actual application of PUA theory and its teachings.  Yes, I've gotten laid from it as well..." For many Asian American men (myself included), simply knowing that this is possible is in itself ground breaking. In my case in particular, I was once completely mired in Asian angst to such a deep extent that I did not even believe that I could find a girl in America's dating landscape. When I turned 29, I basically gave up on the U.S. I was actually in the process of looking for a job and an apartment back in Taiwan with the intent of having my network of 13 cousins introduce me to a girl over there so that I could get married and live out my life in Asia. But because of a personal statement from one of my friends (that was similar to the one I quoted from you above), I was able to turn myself around, re-apply myself, and here I am now, back in NYC, with a girlfriend that I love spending time with, and I've been with her for almost 2 years now, and it's wonderful. None of this would have been possible had I not first seen my friend go through a similar experience. When he told me what he had been learning, and the success that he was able to get with girls, I thought to myself, "hey, if my friend can learn how to get better with women, then so can I. He's Asian American just like me!" 

 It's hard to put stuff like that out there, on the internet where everyone can see it. It's like saying, "hey, I NEEDED to be taught how to meet girls." But I believe that ultimately it is personal statements, personal stories, and personal experiences that will motivate Asian American to defeat the stereotypes that permeate life in the U.S. So, props to you for making a step forward to defeat them, and for helping other Asian American men to do the same.

I'll be the first to admit.  I needed to learn not just how to meet girls but to be comfortable in my own Asian skin and this was one of the methods for helping me with just that.