Monday, March 8, 2010

Keep it on the DL: Dating Non-Asian Girls - Part 3

Four of my former lovers (3 White & 1 Black) specifically had a thing for Asians.  In case you don't believe that girls get the Yellow Fever too, let me refer you to the following examples,


And...


"What about Latinas?", you ask? Take a look at this couple.


And of course, Victor Kim from Quest Crew holdin' it down with Lizzy Richardson from the San Diego Chargers cheerleading squad!


EDITOR'S NOTE: These are not rare instances. They only seem to be rare to frustrated Asian-American men because mentally 1) we believe the shit imposed upon us by the media-entertainment complex. Everyone knows their depictions of Asian-Americans in general is a STRETCH from reality. 2) A handful of asshole white males (yes, there are some bad apples of the bunch like Hollywhite - John Mayer types) get some twisted enjoyment out of belittling other ethnicities, meanwhile bashing white women who date outside their race. 3) A number of Asian-American women often times play a harsher Game with Asian-American men as opposed to other ethnic males. In retrospect, I came to the startling realization that AA women have been less open to my approaches as opposed to other Latina, white and black women. DL shares with us similar experiences.

I think dating other races may actually be easier than dating East Asian girls because I’ve received snottier treatment and harsher blow-offs from East Asian girls than I’ve ever gotten from any girl of another race.

In part I have to thank the short-lived TV series Vanishing Son for the fact that I never had issues with dating outside my race.  Looking back, the show wasn't very good, but I was only 12 when it was on, so it didn't matter.  What did matter was that the main character of the show was a handsome, confident Chinese man who lay the lovin' down on all kinds of ladies.  He was like a Chinese Shaft and  that definitely made an impression on me.



Another part of the reason I have always dated girls of other races is that I always resisted my mother’s attempts to manipulate me.  I know it’s clich√© to blame your mother for your issues, but I do believe that a lot of the problems that Asian American men have in their love lives come from our mothers’ derisive treatment and harmful conditioning.

Some times guys ask me how I date girls of other races which is a difficult question to answer because I honestly don't think it's any different than dating East Asian girls.  I think there are four key things to remember in any kind of dating scenario: 
  1. Don't try too hard to impress
  2. Don't fake it
  3. Be assertive and decisive
  4. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.  
You'll notice that there are a lot more don't's than there are do's, and that's because guys screw up potentially good situations by doing too much more often than by doing too little.

More details next time...

5 comments:

  1. I agree with the editor's comment that AA women tend to be the least receptive to asian dudes; but only for CBC/ABC women. The "fobby" east-asian women are still the most receptive.

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  2. A strange phenomena indeed. This one continues to puzzle me. I have approached both Asian-American women and non-AA women and for peculiar reason, AA women seemed to get "creeped out" easily. And rather than condemning these girls immediately as a response to protect my own ego, I stopped and questioned if it was my approach. Did I say anything out of the ordinary? Am I grotesque looking? Do I stink? Do I dress poorly? What is it?

    After much trial and error, I've come to notice that AA women will have their defensive wall up against their own counterparts as opposed to white males. Maybe they fear we may be that "creepy" guy who calls endlessly, stalks and follows them wherever they go?

    **shrugs**

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  3. I think Asian guys are their own worst enemy. Some choose to think that they're not worthy, so they don't think to date beautiful women, regardless of race.

    In my younger days, it never occurred to me to limit my attraction and flirtations to just Asian women. A hot babe is a hot babe, whether they're Asian, Black, Latina or white.

    If you're an attractive guy, then women of all ethnicities will be attracted to you, regardless of the fact that you're Asian.

    Asian guys just need to choose the reality they want to believe in. Clearly there are Asian men dating women of all ethnicities. But some guys seem to harp on this IR disparity. If you don't believe in your own self-worth, then nobody else is going to believe in it either.

    Now with regards to Asian women, I think the vast majority operate just like other women: if you're confident and attractive, then they will be attracted to you. Do some Asian women limit themselves to just white men? I'm sure there are some Asian women like that. But those women are the counterpart to Asian men whining about the dating disparity: they have a colonized mind and are limiting their options due to low self worth.

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  4. That is exactly the point DL is zeroing in on. What reality do Asian guys want to believe in? As critics such as jstele argue, its more of a mental game than anything else. You mention women of any ethnic background want a man who is confident and attractive which are both well-known, indisputable qualities. Here in lies the problem.

    How does an Asian brotha out there with zero confidence become confident? Its easy to say, "Live stress-free and you'll be happy." Well how does one live stress-free? Same concept.

    Only one crystal clear answer comes to mind. Practice. Practice. Practice.
    If you think of any others, please comment.

    Now practice is great if you're able to set your pride aside, and this is what I think the root cause of the problem is. PRIDE. It is total bullshit. Protecting the notion of "the self" has done more damage to me in developing a backbone to take rejection more than anything.

    Pride has imprisoned me. This fear of looking stupid or getting hurt creates a mental barrier stifling any kind of real growth. I made this mistake all too often during "The Blunder Years" of my life and I regret it more than anything. I continue to struggle with this on a daily basis, but I am slowly awakening...

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  5. How does an Asian brotha out there with zero confidence become confident? Its easy to say, "Live stress-free and you'll be happy." Well how does one live stress-free?

    It's a tough thing for young Asian men who aren't experienced romantically to become confident. Most Asian men have no problem dating and marrying. But there's a significant minority that have non-existent love lives.

    I think when it comes right down to it, many Asian boys have led sheltered lives. They never really developed that social aspect to themselves, that aspect of their personality which allows them to flirt with women with ease and more importantly, recognize indicators of interest on the part of women.

    If you want to be confident, then you got to have interests and had to have experienced a lot of things. Having a wealth of experiences and interests means you have interesting stories and more knowledge to develop a sense of maturity.

    Men become more confident as they age, and this is due to the fact they're accumulating more and more experience. When you're young, you can rely on charm and good looks to attract the opposite sex. But nobody's expecting you to be well traveled or rich or well-respected. That stuff comes when you're older.

    Pride has imprisoned me. This fear of looking stupid or getting hurt creates a mental barrier stifling any kind of real growth. I made this mistake all too often during "The Blunder Years" of my life and I regret it more than anything. I continue to struggle with this on a daily basis, but I am slowly awakening...

    Don't be so hard yourself, dude. We all went through our own "blunder years." Bottom line though is that it's never too late to start right now.

    I think this is part of the reason why Will and Asian Playboy have a following. there are plenty of Asian males who never had a father figure or older brother or friend to teach them
    the ropes, to build confidence as a male. Will and the Asian Playboy focus on attracting women, but I think many young Asian males can benefit from being mentored by older Asian guys about life in general.

    Everything I learned, I learned on my own. I'm the eldest of three kids, and I think I would have liked to have had an older dude who's been there and done that to help me steer clear of those blunder years. A lot of us didn't have real good communication with our dads, because our dads were working all the time or away on business, or our dads just didn't communicate much.

    I think this is the reason why I dispense so much advice to people on my blog. I want young Asian dude to live their lives to the fullest and not have regrets.

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Free your mind. The rest will follow...like your fingers.