Friday, March 12, 2010

Keep it on the DL: Dating Non-Asian Girls - Part 4

For those of you who have been keeping up with the Keep It On The DL mini-series, I believe the points DL mention below are quite sound and reasonable. Albeit they may be common sense to most of you readers out there, but the key point is to actually employ these tactics. Otherwise it becomes meaningless; yet another case of the theoretical and book smart Asian guy. I just started using some of these myself and it feels a lot more natural.

What is natural? I can't say I know what it is to the fullest but I do know what it's not. Its definitely NOT pretending to be a nice guy and putting up with an attitude just because she's hot if she happens to give you one. That's called being a chump.
First, don't try too hard to impress.  A lot of guys think that in order to get the girl, they need to be really entertaining and charming and show off all their nice clothes and fancy cars and highlight how great they are.  That is a big mistake.  Turn this situation around for a moment in your head.  If you met someone and he or she was trying really hard to show off to you, trying to prove how awesome s/he was, would you find it more attractive or annoying? 
Nobody likes a showoff and beautiful women have guys trying to show off at them constantly. Beautiful women, like the famous, wealthy, and politically connected, have people trying to get with them all the time by showing off all the great things about themselves and they can see through it. They know that you're only trying to impress them because of how they look or their fame or money or political power. However, if you give them the opportunity to impress you with their achievements and attractive aspects of their personality and show them that you value something other than their looks or what they can do for you, you'll win their respect and admiration.  
This may be especially difficult if you grew up in a household like mine because your instinct will tell you that you aren’t good enough and you have to try to prove your worth to her, but resist that urge!  Wealthy men don’t have to tell you they’re rich. Confident, attractive people don’t have to prove themselves to anyone.
Second, don't be punk - fakin' the funk - thinkin' that hard stuff while spittin' that extra junk.  What I mean is, if you really aren't impressed with a girl or she's inconsiderate or boring or annoying, don't act as if she's the most courteous, fascinating person in the world.  Be polite, but don't put up with it.  If you fake it, at best you might manipulate her into something with you that you'll both feel bad about later and at worst she'll see through it and peg you as a desperate sycophant.  Besides, calling people on their bullshit often makes them respect you more. 
Third, be assertive and decisive.  A lot of people with low self-confidence mask what they want and sabotage themselves.  They think that by anticipating failure, they can soften the blow to their self-esteem so they say things like, “Hey, I was wondering if you might want to go on a date with me but you probably don't so it's okay...” and they are either too eager to please or lazy so instead of coming to decisions on their own, they waffle and say, “I don't know, whatever you want.”  Realize that you are your own person with your own desires and voice them.  Make firm decisions, look people in the eye, stand up straight, and don't qualify, equivocate, or apologize for what you want. 
Fourth and most importantly, don't put too much pressure on yourself.  This actually applies to all areas of your life, whether it's dating or job interviews and is an extension of my three previous points.  If you say to yourself, “I can't fuck this up.  I can't lose it.  I'll never find another girl this hot/job that pays this well/deal this good again.  I'll do anything to make this work” you are sure to fuck it up.  There are always other girls, other jobs, other whatever.  If you put too much pressure on yourself to succeed with this particular one, you will find yourself trying too hard to impress, faking it, and compromising what you really want.  Real confidence means entering into a situation knowing that you can lose and having the serenity of mind to accept that potential outcome and learn from it even if it hurts.
A little bonus tip I have is not to be cloying or clingy.  Give her space.  Let her miss you.  It's always better for her to want more of you than to be around too much so that she wants less of you.
 To Be Continued...

1 comment:

Free your mind. The rest will your fingers.