Thursday, June 16, 2011

Asian Fetish or White Fetish. Which is it?

Here's a post I saw on Craigslist in light of the recent debate over interracial dating. I think the person who posted this comment raises a valid yet understated point because the focus has been so one-sided where white men are constantly being harshly accused of having Asian fetishes. But, isn't it the other way around? These guys thinks so.
Being a Caucasian man, I've heard the phrase, "Asian fetish," used a lot these days. It seems that everywhere I look, there are white men with Asian girlfriends and wives. I don't know exactly what the official interracial dating statistics would show, but my guess would be that the Caucasian male coupling with an Asian female is probably the most common interracial relationship in America. I have to admit, that I too am attracted to Asian women, but in my defense, I find women of all races to be attractive, and I have never found myself to be zeroing in only on Asian women.
I have to admit too, that I too am attracted to women of all races. They just need to be physically attractive. As long as there's a physical intrigue, my penis sees no color lines or racial barriers. 
In a recent conversation that I had with an Asian female, in my place of work, this young woman wanted to show me a dating site that she had been looking into. She wanted my opinion on some of the perspective bachelors that she had been reading about. One of the bachelors had a picture of himself posing with what appeared to be an ex-Asian girlfriend. The first thing out her mouth when she saw the picture of the young Caucasian man with an Asian woman, was that this young Caucasian man obviously has an "Asian fetish." She rejected this particular bachelor for what appeared to be a white guy, with an Asian fetish.

In my opinion, my Asian female colleague was jumping to conclusions about the bachelor pictured with an Asian girlfriend. An Asian fetish, in my book, would constitute a Caucasian man that only dated Asian women. The conclusion of an Asian fetish cannot be drawn from just one photo, in a man's dating profile. Asian fetish aside, if a person is going to create a profile on a dating site, posting pictures of yourself with an ex-girlfriend, or an ex-boyfriend, is not a good idea.

My Asian colleague continued to show me pictures and profiles of other perspective bachelors on the dating site, and one fact really began to stand out to me. Every perspective profile that she had chosen was that of a Caucasian male. It became very evident that my young Asian female co-worker definitely has a Caucasian male fetish. As the saying goes, my Asian co-worker is the pot calling the kettle black. 
Another white guy agrees with the previous poster by adding his own personal experience to the mix.
I agree that many of the Asian female-white male pairings are a result of the asian females having a white male 'fetish', not the opposite. My ex-girlfriend (asian-american) only dated white dudes. Many, like her, claim that they are open to all dating all races, but their standards for other races are so high, while the standards for whites are so low, that de facto, only the white dudes stand a chance. Just look around at many of the pairings you see. It's clearly the white guys who are on the winning side of these pairings. Therefore, how can you blame the white guys for seeking out asian women. If you can easily get an asian woman who should be out of your league vs. having to bust your ass to score with a less attractive female of another race, most guys will take the easy path. It's in our nature. 
Case in point. What guy, regardless of race or nationality, wouldn't want to take the least path of resistance in the dating game? Can't hate on that. He continues...
And, I don't think that Asian American women are much different from other American women. They are not meek or subservient, just ask their husbands/boyfriends. White women are just bitter that they are being passed up and are lashing out in jealousy. All women subconsciously seek men of status and white men clearly have the highest status in the US, although in certain US subcultures that may not be the case (a whole other discussion). Asians are just more attune to the race/status correlation since being a minority makes you more conscioulsy aware of it and theirs is more of a white-washed culture. I don't see white women being that open to dating non-whites either. Again, they are 'open' to it but the standards are different depending on the race, e.g. a asian dude better be exceptional to have a shot. 
Recall Freakonomics if you forgot. Men of Asian ethnicity must make 250K more on average for a white woman to consider dating them, which means what? Yes, Asian-American men do need to be exceptional. YES, exceptional and I'm trying to take a positive spin on this. Just like how AA men were taught by their first generation parents on how to be in school, AA men need to be exceptional in the dating Game as well. That means get your shit together. Get some money, get some style and execute in the field. Being exceptional should not be exclusive to education and career development but akin to all other facets of life. There's nothing wrong with striving for excellence.